Tool Box

Rejoice Greatly

2010-07-26T11:01:00.002+10:00

"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a LIVING hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an INHERITANCE that can never perish, spoil or fade - KEPT in heaven for you, who through FAITH are shielded by God's POWER until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you GREATLY REJOICE, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." - 1 Peter 1:3-6

I've been struggling with personal relationships and having to deal with personal goals being shattered by physical consequences. I was told by the surgeon on Thursday that my ankle wasn't healing fast enough to warrant a cast removal. It'll take at least another two more weeks to heal. I've already taken six weeks of my hospital placements, and I won't be able to take anymore. If I'm still unable to walk independently by next Sunday, I will probably have to take a year off uni.

I was feeling so depressed on Thurs. Everything just seemed to be falling apart.

I'm so grateful for this passage in Peter. It reminded me that all human hope will fade away and will eventually serve to discourage us; there is only a living/growing hope in our inheritance in heaven which will never perish.

I want to surrender all my personal goals to God and just rest in his mercy and grace. Everything that I accomplish in this world will surely fade away so why should I strive so hard to obtain blessings that God hasn't graciously given? I shall receive them should he decide to give them.

I'm so grateful that my inheritance in heaven is being kept not by my spirituality, but by the faithfulness and power of God who is able to keep those who are committed to him. I rejoice greatly that God chose me and glorified me even before I was born. The trials and temptations that snare me presently will only last for a season. God's faithfulness is forever.

i miss..

2010-07-03T15:44:00.006+10:00

I miss the explosive emotion of kicking a ball..

I miss running on a pitch of lush green grass..

I miss getting lost in the ecstasy of dribbling past a challenge or two..

I miss the satisfaction of putting on into the back of the net..

I miss seeing the joy in a teammate's face when they score a goal.. and know that I contributed to it somewhat.

You´re better then the best

I´m lucky just to linger in your life

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me

Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of

bed sing like bird

Dizzy in my head spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you

Cuz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed

sing like bird

Dizzy in my head

spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold

buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

thanks for making me smile. I miss you :)

Things I'm grateful for:

1) Having a good chat over dinner with Jin, Tommy, and Tom.

2) A very encouraging week at uni

3) My dad's safe return from Sydney

4) Yvonne and Alvin's visit from Singapore

5) Laughter.

Chunky Soup with Puff Pastry..YUM!

2010-06-23T16:35:00.003+10:00

Booyah! I'm gonna attempt to cook that tmr night :) After whipping up a chicken and prawn risotto and a ox tail stew in my first week of the hols, I've gotten quite lazy. So I thought I'll cook something cool for Jules before she leaves for Europe on Friday.

She'll be gone for 3 weeks. I know I'll miss her.

Monday night BSF was fun. What was so fun? I got to park in the handicap parking lot so I didn't have to walk for 200m to get into the church. I got to meet a few cool new pple at combined fellowship. I got to pull heaps of Yin-Yang and Singapore's>Malaysia jokes.

But most of all, I had a awesome chat with Tim over coffee to celebrate the end of his exams :) Everyone craves for friends that genuinely love and accept them for who they are. Friends whom they can just be themselves with. Tim's one of those friends to me, and I really thank God for him. He's going away to Canada for the whole of next semester! Ah, I think Sunday's would be very different without him around.

Two weeks on from breaking my ankle: I wish God gave us unbreakable bones.

I was reading the BSF notes today and something really stood out. It read:

"Instead of following a routine of merely obvious actions and decisions, let us first acknowledge God by prayer in all our ways so that He may direct our paths into His ways (Proverbs 3:5-6), resulting in new reactions and meaningful attitudes. Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best."

Jesus' dear friend, Lazarus, was dying from a terminal illness in a location that was a day's journey from where He was. Jesus loved Lazarus dearly and wanted to go back immediately to heal him. But he deliberately waited two whole days before traveling back in accordance to the will of God.

Jesus was so in tune with God that he knew the perfect time for everything, even when it was contrary to the rational mind. This resulted in a far greater miracle and glory to God than if He had simply healed Lazarus. It resulted in the development of Martha's faith and confounded all doubts that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (he had been dead for 4 days).

"Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best."

I know God wants the best for me. I just have to trust in Him enough and not rush into actions to resolve my problems impulsively.

3 blessings I'm grateful to God for:

1) My dad who works tirelessly to support my family

2) Laughter

3) The lesson He's going to teach me from my broken ankle

the path.

2010-06-22T11:17:00.002+10:00

"You make me thank God for all the mistakes I made because each one led me down the path closer to you."

- Legend-wait for it-dary black dude from HIMYM.

4 hours of coffee

2010-06-21T17:18:00.002+10:00

I had a 4 hour chat with Tracey over coffee today about starting a Christian t-shirt business. Jo somehow remembered that I had told her about this idea I had some time last year, and she told Tracey about me. I wasn't sure about how much help I would be, but time just flew by us as we were sitting there in Word bookshop. We talked about everything from t-shirt designs, market trends, business plans, personal goals, focus groups, marketing, etc.

She basically wants to start a business that produces custom-made t-shirts presenting Godly valued that are "uplifting" to the human soul. I thought about a very similar idea last year based on the fact that the Word of God is "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Heb 4:12) The Word of God has the power to feed the soul; the ability to bring deep satisfaction and fulfilment.

How effective would it be to display the Word of God on clothing?

"Jesus loves YOU. But I'm his favourite"

"Jesus PRAYS for YOU" - Hebrews 7:25

"Jesus LOVES the HELL out of you" - John 3:16

"He keeps me in PERFECT PEACE." - Isaiah 26:3

"I can do ALL things through HIM who gives me STRENGTH" - Philppians 4:13

I felt like I did something today helping Tracey get a clearer idea on how to pursue her dream. Quite often, I get crazy and fun ideas that pop up in my mind just like bubbles. They amuse me for just a little while and then they go "pop!" The next time I get a bubble in my mind, I wanna take a good look at it, capture its reflections, and then pursue it even after it pops.

I CAN'T believe Kaka got sent off against Ivory Coast last night. He's such a legend of the game with such a humble spirit. He doesn't deserve a red card just because some dude felt like randomly falling over and whining cuz his mum didn't give him a gun for his 1st b'day present. Seriously, Abdul Kader Keïta, you are a bloody diver and I've lost all respect for you. Grow some balls, and a conscience while you're at it.

I miss fishing. It's less than 2 weeks since I broke my ankle, but it already feels like forever! :( I wanna go fishing. I wanna run. I wanna be able to walk to the toilet.

3 blessings I'm grateful for:

1) Friends who truly love the Lord (Mink, you're someone who really inspires me :D)

2) Memories of both the good and the bad

3) The breath I just took

Brush Your Teeth!

2010-06-19T17:03:00.005+10:00

A new medical study shows that individuals who do not brush their teeth twice a day have an increased risk of heart disease.

"Kids, brush your teeth or you'll get a heart attack!"

Yesterday was pretty cool, Sharon, Nick, and Jules came over to visit me at different times of the day. I had good conversations and a fun night :)

Thanks guys, you're awesome.

I learnt how to play "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson yesterday. My finger tips felt so sore from all the hammering and sliding. It's a song that I've always wanted to learn. I'm glad that I actually took the time to sit down and learn it.

Can't you see that it's just raining

Ain't no need to go outside...

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what you're supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
Ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe, laka ukulele
Mommy made a baby
Really don't mind the breakfast
'cause you're my little lady
Lady lady love me
'cause I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
Ain't no need to go outside
Ain't no need ain't no need Mmmm MMmmm
Can't you see can't you see
Rain all day
And I don't mind.

The telephone is singing
Ringing it's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to we got everything
We need right here
And everything we need is enough
Just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, yeah wake up slow
You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
Ain't no need to go outside
Ain't no need, ain't no need
Rain all day and I really really really don't mind
Can't you see can't you see,
You gotta wake up slow

So I was reading the Word yesterday (Mark 5:21-43) about how Jesus healed a woman who was sick for 12 years. She had haemophilia, which meant that she bled really easily and couldn't stop bleeding. She was damaged not just physically, but also socially and psychologically as she would have been ostracised by the Jewish community. ONE DAY, in a single MOMENT, Jesus came along and healed her.

In the same place was Jairus, a rich and happy Jewish politician, had all he ever wanted - a happy family, fame, wealth, and a nice camel to ride on. Yet ONE DAY, in a single MOMENT, his world was crushed at the news that his daughter died. Though Jesus raised his daughter back to life later on.

"Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler [Jairus], "Don't be afraid; just believe." - Mark 5:36

Point is: we don't know what the next moment holds. We can be suffering for 12 years, or living in bliss for 12 years, and it can all change in one SINGLE moment. So I'm going to be close to the Lord always; praying and building my relationship and faith in Him. I'm not going to be living in ignorant bliss or wallowing in suffering because I know that it can and WILL change in just a single moment :)

I'm gonna watch the Australia vs Ghana match at Dan's place tonight. Hopefully it'll be an entertaining match! :)

3 blessings I'm grateful for:

1) Julia Donald

2) Not waking up to watch the England vs Algeria game this morning

3) A loving God.

Breaking Seeds. Sowing Ankles.

2010-06-17T16:55:00.009+10:00

I broke my ankle last Wednesday while playing mixed Futsal. A desperate stretch to take a shot on goal landed me with a spiral fracture to my lateral malleolus and a purple cast which I will have to leave on for the next 6 weeks :(

I was rushed to the hospital straight from the futsal match by my dear friend, Shaz. The doctor didn't bother to wash or sterilise my sweaty skin before casting up my ankle. I'm not allowed wet the cast, so that means that the dirty skin underneath would be uncleaned for 42 days. I sure hope I don't find anything green or black growing on my skin when I get the cast removed.

So.. I decided to revive my blog being filled with inspiration after reading Mink's blog.

I just finished watching "500 Days of Summer". I loved every lame joke and every awkward moment in that movie. Near the end, the narrator reads:

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of life. But the 23rd of May was a Wednesday..."

It is quite true that very few lasting memories are made in between most days of the year. Yet I believe that every day endows lessons and memories, be they significant or not, that shape our mindsets and influence our thoughts, words, and actions. They are the sum of who we are. They are forgotten not because they're not important; they are forgotten simply because we do not remember them.

So I've decided to make short posts about what God's taught me through each day lest I forget.

"Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful." - Mark 4:18

I felt convicted when I read that passage today because I know that I've been subject to these 3 pitfalls: worries, greed, and discontentment.

The seed is the Word of God which brings freedom from sin, freedom from the fear of death, freedom to forgive, freedom to love, eternal life, joy and peace. Yet I know that I have been "unfruitful" because I worry about my future. I worry about my relationships. I worry about whether my friends will remain true. I worry about whether I'll get a job that I enjoy doing; about whether I will earn enough money; about getting an iPhone 4; about getting a bigger and better house, about getting a spiffy car. I worry about soo many things.

I know that all worries, greed and discontentment draws my attention away from the things of God. So I'm going to trust God to provide for my needs and I'm going to focus my time, finances, and attention into doing his will.

"The happy man is not the one who gets what he wants but the one who wants what he gets." - some wise dude

I'll finish off with a completely unrelated medical piece of information. An experienced doctor once told me: "Your diet doesn't affect acne at all."

I was like: "What? Are you sure?"

Experienced Dr: "Prove me wrong!"

I can still remember the smug look on his face when he said that.

Dear Dr. Smug-face,

"Population-based and migration studies have suggested a correlation between diet and acne. Large, well-controlled, observational studies have demonstrated that diets high in dairy products are associated with an increase in the risk for and severity of acne. Researchers have found significant associations between all varieties of cow's milk and acne. The relationship between milk and acne severity may be explained by the presence in dairy of normal reproductive steroid hormones or the enhanced production of polypeptide hormones such as IGF-1, which can increase androgen exposure, and thus, acne risk. Recent findings also describe an association between a high-glycemic-index diet and longer acne duration. In addition, randomized clinical trials have demonstrated that a low-glycemic-load diet can influence hormonal levels and improve insulin sensitivity and acne. No study has established a positive association between acne and chocolate, saturated fat, or salt intake."

Yours truly,

Skin Therapy Letter. 2010; 15(3):1-2.

P.S. Try to have some respect for your patient's queries in the future.

Three things I'm grateful to God for:

1) The powerful gust of wind that woke me up. I actually thought the rapture was happening!

2) My dad, mum, sis, and granny who've been waiting on me in love

3) Love.

The Shack

2009-11-11T11:23:00.001+11:00

"...sequestering his emotions securely in the padlocked basement of his own heart." - Young

Psalm 34

2009-11-05T09:12:00.003+11:00

"Fear the Lord, you his saints,

for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry,

but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." - v.9,10

It's funny how much I think I don't have at times, and then, at others I forget about what I lack at all. What do I lack?

In a material sense, I want a dog, I want a manlier car, I could always do with more clothes, maybe a huge plasma TV for my soccer matches.

In a spiritual sense, I need to be able to hear from God more clearly. I need direction to where God wants me to be. I need intimacy with him and with my friends. I need wisdom in my actions. I need a heart of humility. I need to be filled with his love so that I can love. I need his strength to overcome my sin. I need him to renew my purpose for living.

I like how David draws a contrast between mighty lions and those who seek the Lord. No doubt the sheer power and tenacity of lions could ensure them a stack of Angus steaks. But whilst their strength is merely of a finite measure, the Lord’s strength is infinite.

So how do I fear you, God?

“Come, my children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Whoever of you loves life

and desires to see many good days,
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.” (vv. 11-14)

Keeping my tongue under a leash is something I really struggle with. Please help me with that. The words of my mouth are but expressions of my heart. Lord, consecrate my mouth. Make it meek and pure so that no evil may stem from it. Help me to flee from words of malice, envy, aggression, and indignation. Let my mouth speak only words of love and encouragement.

I just want you, Jesus

2009-10-26T11:57:00.004+11:00

More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of word's,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.

I just want you Jesus, I just want you my lord,
I just want you Jesus, I just want you.

Never could I comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could I be with you,
But your love covers all of my sin.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you Jesus I just want you.

There is no greater love than yours,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if I search all the world
I will never find a love like yours, God.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my Lord,
I just want you Jesus,
I just want you,
Jesus!

I attended the PS Mighty Men Conference over the weekend. Amidst all the hyped up praise songs, this one really stood out. I love it.

I love you, Lord. Thanks for loving me so much and for being so good to me.

Help me not to chase after anything else but you.

Dizwanger

2009-10-11T15:53:00.004+11:00

I found a Dizwanger one day,
Looking intently into the vast blue sky.
Her search was for the One,
The only Apple of her eye.

I found a Dizwanger one day,
Staring across the deep blue sea.
I saw her smile and laugh,
And I wondered if it could be.

Predictability is a Dizwanger's unnature,
And Mystery is her crown of gold.
I long to understand it,
But I doubt my heart's bold.

The journey's long,
I've picked up a knock or two.
But what's victory without hurt?
And what's love in the absence of sacrifice?

I found a Dizwanger one day,
Resting on my side.
I wish it was forever,
Fall asleep in her eyes.

Isaac
5.10.09

Life's been hard, but God's been great over the last few months.

Praise the Lord! :)

Jesus, I'm tired of walking alone
I can't hold this world up on my own
I'm a man in need of the cross.
Each time I see a running stream
So satisfying it may seem
But my soul; it's thirsting for more!

More of you, Lord Jesus
More, more of you, My Lord

I want to sing to you intimately
I want to hear you say, that you love me
I want to know you more than a friend
I want to feel the scars in your hands

Isaac
4.10.09

Wild At Heart

2009-09-02T20:45:00.002+10:00

Normal Template

“The wisdom’s in the trees

Not the glass windows.”

Train rides are pretty darn boring. So here’s another blog post to make my time a little more productive. I wonder what everyone else is thinking/doing in this metal box with wheels. I see some people reading the MX (I believe people only read that paper just to amuse themselves with ridiculously stupid facts), some people are just looking around, staring out the window at the chilly darkness outside. Some people are reading books.

Talking about reading books. I’ve just started to re-read “Wild At Heart” by John Eldredge. Despite reading it before, I’m able to more fully appreciate and understand his concepts. The book’s basically about the innate nature that God created in man – a Wild Heart – and how that’s been corrupted/tamed by social pressures and expectations.

When God created man and woman “in his image”, he didn’t create us to look physically like him; that’s just absurd. He created within us a innate nature; a heart that reflects the very nature of God! There are striking differences in the natures of both man and woman; so isn’t that contradictory? That’s the beauty of it! God’s mighty and aggressive, yet loving and gentle.

What’re the innate yearnings in your heart?

Eldredge’s convinced God’s placed a “wild heart” in every man that craves for 3 things:

A battle to fight
An adventure to live
A beauty to rescue

How true.. Somewhere in scripture it says:

“The Lord is a Warrior. The Lord is his name.”

I remember pretending to fight imaginary ninjas along the corridors of my old house. Punch, Dodge, Kick, Smackdown!

Just some random thoughts on a train..

Love

2009-08-22T10:54:00.003+10:00

Love is so complex that all of creation is baffled by it. Man tries to put a finger on it, but it’s erratic and unfathomable nature engulfs it whole. Love’s too big to be subject to man’s comprehension, too small to be captured by a mortal’s grasp. If it were not so, Love would mean a bag of peanuts; a mere song sung for the sake of it’s own interest. Only it’s Creator shall wield it in the palm of his hands.

Love is powerful; it’s the substance that keeps the fabric of existence in place. It’s grasp so forceful that it held Christ on the cross. Yet it’s delicate and submissive like a master washing his servant’s feet.

I’ve been thinking recently and I’ve come to a conclusion that I really don’t have much love within me.

Love is asking: “How are you?” on a Monday morning.
The lack of love is asking: “How are you?” on a Wednesday afternoon.

Love is to prepare a nice hot cup of Chai Latte for a friend.
The lack of love is to prepare a nice hot cup of Chai Latte for a friend.

Love is praying for her no matter how heavy your eyelids may be at night.
The lack of love is praying for her no matter how tired you may be.

Love is looking at his faults and knowing that his heart’s purer than his actions.
The lack of love is looking at his faults and laying down judgment within.

Love is to be genuinely interested in his life.
The lack of love is to be interested in her life.

Love is the willingness to make a complete fool of yourself just to make her smile.
The lack of love is to make a complete fool of yourself to eventually get her fooled.

Just some thoughts on a train ride...

The Anthem

2009-08-22T10:50:00.002+10:00

Worship was amazing last Friday night.
Hallelujah! You have won the victory.
Hallelujah! You have born it all for me.
Death could not hold you down
You are the risen King
Seated in majesty
You are the risen King

The anthem was sung with such passion and sincerity. It was the first time in a long time that I was encouraged and inspired by my fellow worshippers. My spirit was bursting with joy within me as I joined voices with my friends to proclaim the sovereignty of our risen Lord, Jesus Christ. I must confess that I wasn’t “spiritually right” with God last week, and I wasn’t in a position to lead worship on that Friday night. Praise be to God that my righteousness isn’t found in my own strength or merit, but in the death of my Saviour, Jesus Christ! So often the guilt of my sin weighs me down, and a spirit of unworthiness chains my mind. Fact is: I am unworthy; we all are. I am a sinful man covered by the blood of Christ. Now that’s reason to rejoice, that’s an overwhelming reason to be joyful!

Things that happened in the last month:

Crashed “Squeaky” into a pillar while reversing out of the Box Hill church office carpark. She had to undergo car surgery for 2 weeks. I’m delighted to have her back. Had to pay $950 for the repairs; that's a huge chunk of my $1000/season salary :(

I’ve been finding the work at the footy club rather repetitive and boring. It’s seriously quite draining and depressing having to sacrifice practically my entire Saturday. It’s taken a huge toll of my studies. I know that for sure.

FGA United’s first season in the Super 5’s league has finally ended. We came 3rd after losing the semi-final 2-1 to Hollywoods and defeating TTP the 3rd/4th playoff 6-3! I would’ve liked to come 1st, but I can’t deny that I’m happy with our achievements. The younger boys have really improved by heaps and bounds. Thanks for all the fun we had guys! It’s been a pleasure running circles around defences and getting run over by crazy bald headed aggros. I’ve seen determination and the willingness to head advice and learn. What more can I ask for?

Spent most of Sunday at the Melbourne Uni Open Day with Tim and Chris. We went around uni talking to random people informing them about our Christian group (Studentlife) and just chatting to them about what they thought about God. It took quite a great deal of courage to approach random pple and talk to them, but I think the 3 of us helped to build boldness in each other. I love the God-devoted servant hearts in these 2 blokes. They encourage me so much!

Went out with quite a few people last night to celebrate Josh’s 16th! I can’t believe he’s only 16 -.-“ I didn’t know what Sector 9 was about. When I got to Westfield, they told me that it was an alien movie -.-“” I started to grow a disgust against alien movies after watching Knowing and The War of the Worlds. I didn’t expect much from Sector 9, but it turned out to be a delightful mix of action, thriller, COMEDY, and Sci-fi. It was a very unique movie, so ridiculous at times that I couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. I rate it an 8/10. It’s got a amusement factor of 10 despite that rather mediocre storyline.

Box Hill. Time to get off the train!

Prac prac prac...

2009-06-16T15:42:00.002+10:00

I just finished my most stressful prac exam by far. I wasn't confident at all walking into the exam room. But I walked out with a brimming with a smile of relief knowing the God had, without a doubt, pulled me out of this one.

My examiner, Kirsten (not her real name), was so lenient towards me! She was practically throwing marks at me. She kindly corrected my many mistakes and showered me with wave over wave of encouragement. When she showed me my score sheet at the end (she's not meant to do that), I was shocked when she gave me 9/9 for my exercise component! haha! My exercises were good, but my communication was jittery due to my lack of confidence. Nevertheless, she gave me awesome marks.

I never expected this.

Thank you, Kirsten.

Thank you, God! :)
I know that you'll never let me down if i put you first above ALL ELSE - exams, friends, wealth, health.

Is Grass Really Green?

2009-06-11T10:20:00.002+10:00

"The grass is always greener on the other side...
If only our eyes weren't so firmly fixed on the other side
We'd notice that there's actually grass on our side
Really?
Yes, lush green grass..."

It's been raining incessantly over the past few weeks and the blades of grass on my lawn are starting to surpass me in terms of height. I peered out the window during breakfast one morning and was amazed at the rich green colour of grass...

Grass has always been green.. so have the leaves on the trees.

I've just never been able to appreciate it. Colour.

I thank God for putting colour into this world - to make it bright and vibrant. Can you imagine a world without colour?! How dull and gloomy would it be?!

The Yee's dropped by my place last night while waiting for Dani to finish worship prac nearby. It's been a long time since I last had a proper chat to Elysia. I remember her begging me to tickle the soles of her feet. It's peculiar. She's gets a relaxing sensation instead of a ticklish one. Anyway, I was shocked when she said that she was in Year 5! I never noticed that there was a massive 9 year gap between us! haha! I just assumed that she was older cuz she used to have a maturity that was way beyond her years.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." - Colossians 4:6 NIV

Today's devotion was apt. I've been praying for Godly wisdom on how to respond to awkwardly satirical/insulting comments. I've been receiving a lot of that recently, and I'm sure a lot of people get it too. I've had conversations like these recently:

"I hate it when people talk about their religion and try to convert others. I respect that they have their own beliefs, but they should keep them to themselves."

"Are you a religious person?"

"So are you saying that I'm going to hell if I don't believe in Jesus?"

"You're stupid for wanting to go back to Singapore for National Service."

"You should just quit doing Physiotherapy if you don't like it."

Some of these comments are very hurting, especially when they come from friends that I care for. Nevertheless, Paul reminds us to be "full of GRACE" and to let our words be "seasoned with SALT" (that is, to be with purpose and meaning).

Frankly, it's difficult to respond with Grace in every situation and it takes a mountain of wisdom to be able to season our words with purpose and meaning. That's where humility comes in. I pray that God would grant me humility to consider everyone as more important than I, and for Godly wisdom/salt to season my words with.

I want to make a commitment to be careful with my words.

I've got a Physiotherapy paper to sit for at 2.15pm this arvo. I'm only half prepared for it.. but I'm just gonna entrust it to God. There's no use worrying about it now. I'm not happy with the effort that I put into this subject this semester.. and naturally, I'd want to make a commitment to do better next sem. But I shan't do that... it takes the meaning out of a "commitment". What I will do is to pray for God to grant me a genuine interest in this subject.. and to find joy in learning new concepts.

It's a cold day today. Hopefully it'll make the uncool people feel a little cooler, and blow humble chill on those who're obsessed with being hot.

The Conclusion of the Matter

2009-06-10T11:53:00.002+10:00

I've only made 8 posts in the last 6 months! That's just appallingly lazy. I stopped blogging because I thought there wasn't really much to blog about; and there were a lot more "interesting" and "meaningful" things to do than blogging. Nevertheless, I've been inspired by Jon to continue blogging. He seems to find a lot of encouragement from my previous blog posts; and I'm truly grateful that God can use the previous pages of my life story in such a fulfilling way.

I have a morbid feeling deep in my gut, almost a sense of fear, that the past few months in my life has been very uneventful, a complete waste of time. But I know that there ARE heaps of memories that I can thank God for everyday. I want to cherish these moments. I want to seal them away in a safe place where I can always find hope and encouragement through them in the future.

I came across a beautiful psalm yesterday:

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely,
O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me."

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths,
You are there.
If I rise on wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast."

"For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."

"My frame was not hidden from you
When I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
You eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
Were written in your book
Before one of them came to be."

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."

- Excerpts from Psalm 139

Wow! What a beautiful psalm! God knew our frame and the very nature of our souls before we were born. God has planned every day of our lives and has written them in his book!

This is reason to celebrate each day with everything that it entails - whether it be "eventful" or "boring". I will rejoice for this is the day that the Lord has made!

I was doing some last minute studying before, but I felt this sudden urge within me to stop and hop onto my email. There was an email of encouragement from Jon about being faithful with the talents that God has blessed us with. He's always sending these exhorting emails that never fail to inspire me. I'm grateful that God has entrusted Jon to me as a disciple, and I truly pray that God will continue to embolden his spirit and empower him with Godly strength.

I've gotta rush off to sit for my exam. But I was thinking about this today.. how I really detest studying. I believe it's a wrong attitude that has to be corrected. I pray that God will enable to me really enjoy and embrace learning about the interesting aspects of his creation.

God Bless! :)

Quotes...

2009-05-22T11:19:00.003+10:00

Whenever I come across a good quote, I write it down on stickies in the hope that I'll do something useful with them some time in the future. I'm cleaning up my table now and I just thought I'd post them up online before I throw the stickies away.

-

" People can be loud, demanding, rude when they are in need but behind that wall of 'look' and 'manner' lie the unmistakably perfect masterpiece of the Creator - a human being with thoughts and feelings" - Mink

-

"After a while, I just don't care much if this church is Baptist or Pentecostal, for we all worship one God - that is Christ Jesus. I think our Lord is a very creative Person, and He wouldn't pick only one colour because it'd be a little too boring for Him." - Mink

-

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit." - an email from Sha

-

"I don't think he likes me anymore... I mean, me and Jan!"
- Ann Lee Chin

-

"Yum! Andrea's birthday cake is so nice! It's better than Julia's!"
- Ann Lee Chin

*She didn't realise Julia was right beside her* -.-"

-

This week's been pretty easy-going.. not too stressed with work (although the exams are around the corner and I should really be getting stuck into my books). The most annoying part of my week is having to nurse my hip. I still don't know what it is.. probably a minor fracture.

Everyone seems to be getting injured. My mum decided to go play badminton with my Dad at Grace church last night. She hadn't played sport in a VERY LONG time and, hence, she was unfit. Not long after Sha and I came back from our soccer training session, we received a call from mum saying that she thinks that she might have torn her Achilles tendon -.-""

I assessed her when she got back and confirmed that she'd a complete rupture -.-" I felt really helpless as a Physio student because I couldn't do anything to treat her.

I've been procrastinating since 10am this morning.. I better get back to work.

Nat!

2009-05-20T08:59:00.003+10:00

Thank you, Lord for your Son.
Thank you for this day
And for all the ups and downs it brings
For the ups because they bring joy;
They give vibrancy and meaning to an otherwise dull life
For the downs because they help me see You clearly
They are the foundation for Hope
I cherish the times that I can rest in Your strength
It's through them that I get to know You better
It's in them that I feel... Strong.

19/5/09

The highlight of my weekend was receiving a letter from Nat! Frankly, I was quite disappointed with her first letter which I received 2 weeks ago because it was impersonal. This one, on the other hand, was real and sincere! She even drew pictures for each of us (Gab, Haney, Grace, and I). I'm gonna scan it and upload later on.

The lowlight would be getting injured during Sunday futsal. The opposition were agitated as we came from 2 goals down to leave them chasing us with 2 minutes to go at 5-3. Amidst all of that, some dude cleaned me up from behind after I took a shot. I lost my balance and landed abruptly on my behind (Dad reckons I should stop using the word "arse"). It's worse than I thought.. i think I might have done a hairline fracture to my hip joint. Pain shoots up my back whenever I try to run or squat. Oh well, looks like I'm out of action for 2 weeks.

I was pretty frustrated on the sidelines as I watched my futsal team bow out over penalties after a ridiculous 1-1 draw to Nigel's team -.-""" They weren't that good.. we were just disappointing..

Oh yes, I'll be going for a MRI brain scan today! Hope they don't find anything wrong with me!

A Cold Autumn Morning

2009-04-29T08:47:00.002+10:00

I like breathing out a mist with every breath. It gives expiration an interesting twist, and it reminds me that I’m still respiring. Breathing is such an automatic process; a life-giving necessity that we take for granted. How many times in our busy day do we actually get to give our autonomic system a break and take a voluntary breath?

I’m glad that I’ve stopped to take a breath this chilly morning. Winter’s just around the corner and it’s making its presence felt already. There’s a cold front beaming over Melbourne this entire week with heavy showers and an average daily temperature range of 5-13 degrees. COLD! Rain hammered down incessantly through the night and it has left almost everything wet – the grass on South lawn, that leaves of the trees, the roads, the signboards, the statue in front of Ballieu library, even the person walking past me; somehow all rubbed shoulders with the phenomenon of falling clouds we call “rain”.

I got to Melbourne Uni really early this morning and the libraries aren’t open till 8.30am so I thought I’d blog for a bit. It’s a hobby of mine that I’ve neglected for a significant while. It feels so peaceful seated on a ledge just in front of the Ballieu library just admiring the berth of the sun’s rays greeting the green grass with a warm hug. I envy the grass… wouldn’t it be cool to wake up to a warm hug each cold winter morning?

Life’s been a little puzzling to me over the last month or so. I’m beginning to catch a glimpse of what Solomon meant when he said that everything on earth is futile; a “chasing after the wind”. Sports – I love soccer but the joy and fulfillment that it brings only lasts for bouts of 90 minutes, and it’s severely limited in its magnitude. The same concept applies to music and movies. There’s definitely more to life than sports, music, and movies. There are parties happening every weekend – people drink, dance, and get wasted – a fun night where you don’t have to feel responsible for your actions; a night lost in the drug highs of alcohol. Is life only about time-fillers that bring temporary joy.

The only thing in life that seems to have value is relationship. Through the course of this week, I found myself thanking God for the friends He's given me and all the fun (although temporary) that we shared together.

I need a real meaning and purpose in my life. I want something, someone to live for...

I Need You, Lord...

2009-04-14T12:32:00.004+10:00

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills-
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth."
- Psalm 121: 1-2

I've been treading through a vast desert of spiritual dryness over the past few months. They're some of the most difficult times I've ever been through. Not long ago, I began to lose my passion and love for serving God. I admit to being extremely sloppy and unmotivated in serving Fungus - and i am sorry.

I've been feeling an unexpected sense of utter spiritual dryness. I seek God through his Word, prayer, and worship.. but I don't feel the sense of fulfillment that I had been receiving in the past. It's been very dejecting, and honestly, I've been lingering on the verge of depression.

I struggled intensely within my mind trying to rationalise why I wasn't "feeling" God; why I felt so distant from my friends; why I didn't feel comfortable with people, and why I felt so broken and left out of the world. I found myself getting increasingly susceptible to sin; I was giving in to lusts and I was seeking fulfillment in many other places. Guilt started to overwhelm me, and it compounded my separation from God.

While I was worshiping God on Easter Sunday morning, I was hit with an epiphany. I gained a new perspective of how innately sinful I am; of how unworthy I was to worship God; and yet He loves me. I reflected on my actions over the last few months, and I finally realised what God was teaching me.

I was oblivious to the fact that whilst I was seeking God, I was also seeking validation and fulfillment through my friendships, television, and soccer. Whenever I felt down, I would feel a deep craving to vent my bottled-up emotions on the soccer pitch. Whenever I was bored or depressed, I'd pop myself in front of the TV to watch movies or a soccer match. Whenever I needed encouragement, I would go on Facebook or Hotmail hoping to receive a comment or an email of exhortation. When I needed validation, I'd ask a few friends out for a coffee or a movie.

Although many of these things are perfectly fine, they only temporarily filled a void that only seemed to be getting deeper with each bout of false fulfillment.

I realised that through the last 4 years, I had subconsciously been seeking fulfillment in other relationships, be it with friends or sport, rather than in my relationship with God!

I'm still trying to find my feet on God's path for me, and I pray that He will renew my love for serving Him.

-

On a lighter note, Gab left for Singapore last night to begin his 2 year stint in the army. My bet is that he'll pick up a Singaporean girl and bring her back! :)
If you're reading this, I wish you a joyful time in the army.. remember to KEEP PRAYING... i'll be praying for you too, bro! :)

Report: Thailand Mission Trip

2009-03-14T22:23:00.002+11:00

I wrote a report on our mission trip to Thailand for FGA's monthly magazine.

I thought I'd put it up:

“My expression towards the end of the trip was like the total opposite to my expression at the start of the trip... in the beginning I was like, all apathetic and stuff and towards the end I was like a hyperactive jihad man of hilarity and doom.” – Andrew Au

I have never seen a change in anyone that can match up to Andrew’s incredibly inspiring conversion from a nihistic pessimist chained down by many years of self-alienation and isolation into a wittingly hilarious man who has gained acceptance and a sense of belonging in Christ.
As the trip progressed, the group continually showed Andrew that he was valued and very well loved. Our numerous meaningful conversations allowed Andrew to open up and reveal the internal conflicts and struggles that he faced. He told us that it was a fear of rejection, coupled with his inability to trust others, which was the underlying reason for his self-alienation. I remember telling him that we chatted to him and prayed for him not because we had to, but because we genuinely love him. I could see that he did not believe me at the start, but our continual acts of love eventually convinced him. The love of Christ enabled him to “break free” from his shell of bondage and rediscover his exceedingly entertaining sense of humour.
Our mission trip to Thailand stands as a fervent testament of God’s faithfulness. His hand was with us from the beginning to the end of the trip; continually filling our hearts with courage and encouragement.

Our pioneering mission trip for Fungus consisted of a team of 7 lead by Quentin Loke. Despite the small size of the team, there was a contrasting array of different personalities in the persons of Gabriel Goh, Haney Kang, Grace Ling, Andrew Au, Brian, Quentin Loke, and Isaac. Some were very out-going and enthusiastic, whilst others preferred to keep to themselves. We had several training sessions and fundraisers prior to the trip. However, the stigma of formality and stark personality clashes were obstacles that restricted us from getting to know each other genuinely. Personally, I felt that it was going to be a difficult challenge to generate synergy within the group through deep friendships.

Against all my expectations, God filled our group with great joviality and unity. Everyone seemed genuinely interested in sharing their lives and struggles with the others; while the others seemed even more interested to listen. Our morning devotions were a particular highlight for me. Regardless of the topic, we could sense a strong presence of the Holy Spirit within our midst speaking to us. We would share with open hearts and in complete trust. I can still remember the powerful prayers that we prayed over one another – I felt encouraged and my spirit was joyful within me because of our love for one another demonstrated through fervent prayer.
God blessed our fellowship. Our trip to north-eastern Bangkok was a 10 hour van ride. During the ride, he filled our conversations with heart-wrenching humour. Andrew and Haney had deep philosophical discussions concerning ethics and food wastage that were simply hilarious. There was no end to the laughter and noise within the van.

Compassion runs projects in various towns in Thailand. Each project consists of a church, a multi-purpose area, and a canteen. The Compassion staff overseeing each project consist of a minimum of 1 pastor, 1 director, 2 child workers, 2 teachers, and a cook (food is essential!). We spent most of our time at project TH-422 in a town called “XXX” northeast of Bangkok. I can still remember the sheer excitement on the faces of the children upon our first arrival. There were two major highlights during my stay at TH-422.

Firstly, I got to meet my sponsor child, Nat. Gabriel, Grace, Haney and I decided to sponsor a child for $44/month a month prior to the mission trip. What I had regarded as a mere donation to a charitable foundation turned out to be a gift of love to someone I genuinely care for. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to meeting Nat, yet an overwhelming sense of excitement filled my heart when I first saw her. She was beautiful! She had silky brown hair, hazel eyes that emanated innocence, and a smile that made my heart go soft and feeble. We got to know her more of the span of two days. Our interaction was interesting because of the language barrier – she couldn’t understand English, while we were as good as deaf to her. We communicated through the use of verbal “noises”, facial gestures, hand signs, and pointing to objects. She loved taking pictures with our cameras – she made a significant contribution to the 3,500+ photos we captured on the trip collectively. I remember the joy on her face whenever we gave her a hug or performed a funny gesture. My heart was, in turn, filled with an inexpressible joy accompanied by a sense of complete fulfilment. By God’s grace, I had brought some joy into someone’s life!

We visited Nat’s home to get a first-hand experience of her lifestyle. Her father works as a janitor at the local school while her mum sells food by the roadside. They live with Nat’s grandmother at the moment, but they are in the process of saving up for a house of their own. It was comforting to know how our small contribution of $44/month helped give Nat an education and food for most of the week. However, our hearts were wrenched when we heard about the 3,000 baht (AUD 150) loan her mother had to take up to buy a rice-cooker, other essentials and contingency food for the family. We felt compelled to help, so we relieved them of their debt. In just two days, I developed a strong bond of love for Nat despite the fact that I wasn’t able to mutter a single comprehensible word to her. I think about her even till this day, and I still pray for her.

Sponsoring a child and visiting them makes a real difference in their life; it is by far, the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Being able to put a smile on a face that has been disfigured by poverty brings a transcendental joy and a fulfilment like no other. I urge you, as reflectors of Jesus’ love, to sponsor a child and make a difference in their life.

I developed an extreme admiration for the compassion staff (pastors, translators, child workers, cooks, etc.). I admired them because they had made a decision to sacrifice their lives to spend every day showing God’s love to children who so desperately need it. I envied them because they had such meaning and purpose in their lives. My admiration for them peaked into action. I want to spend every single day God grants me showing his love to others – there’s nothing more fulfilling than that! Each compassion staff had unknowingly inspired me through their selfless actions to live selflessly.

The second highlight of the trip was the way the Holy Spirit swept through the room as we worshipped and praised our Almighty God. We were to lead the youth group program on that Sunday – we had a skit prepared, a few worship songs in mind, and I was to deliver a message. To our folly, we were severely unprepared: we made significant amendments to the casting of our skit the night before; we were unsure of how we were to overcome the language barrier in worship; I changed my intended message entirely at 12am the night before as I felt lead by the Spirit. We were nervous out our skin as we gathered for devotions that Sunday morning. Significantly, Quentin shared about the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and acknowledging that we can’t do anything by our own efforts apart from Christ. I remember us praying fervently for the Spirit to empower us and to grant us faith that day.

When we got to the project (TH-422), we were still unprepared. We were still nervous. God was priming our hearts up for His grand entrance. Against the odds, we managed to pull off our skit in an understandable fashion, and I believe my message spoke to a few in the audience. But what I remember most is the worship. We were eager for the youths to worship in their tongue, but we didn’t know any Thai Christian songs! Minutes prior to the worship session, we recalled hearing their guitarist playing the tunes of “One Way” and “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”. We decided to sing those songs. Worship started off on a slow pace but it grew into a blazing furnace (physically and spiritually!) within minutes. Quentin, Grace and I started jumping to the tune of “One way, Jesus” and a couple of the others followed. Grace then explained that we were jumping because we were excited about praising God, and that God would be pleased with us when He sees us worshipping him with such enthusiasm and passion. Once that said, the kids, aged 7-17, started jumping and praising God at the top of their lungs! They sang in Thai, while we sang in English. There was no stopping them. They held our hands and jumped with us, praising God amidst all their troubles. There was no stopping them; we repeated the songs over and over again until we were too tired to continue. The presence of the Holy Spirit was remarkably strong in that place. I know that hearts were convicted and lives were changed. God had raised the level of worship to whole new dimension. I can picture the day when “every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!”

The trip to Thailand was nothing short of life changing for me. I experienced what it truly means to find joy in the midst of tribulations, to worship God and rejoice in his sovereignty in the midst of real poverty. The significance of my problems paled in comparison to those experienced by these Thai children – I pray that my reaction to trials may be similar to theirs. Above all, this trip has given me a glimpse of what it truly means to be living each day for God; to show his love to anyone every day. I’m motivated to love my friends and my adversaries in sport, in university, in Fungus, in church, and at home. God has sparked a little flame within me; a desire to do some sort of mission work in the future. I know it’s more than a possibility. Lastly, I thank God for all the deep bonds of friendship that were woven tightly during the course of the trip. I know they will stand the test of time.

I strongly encourage you to take up the chance to go on a mission trip should the opportunity present itself.

Isaac
A Fool For Christ

09.03.09

2009-03-10T08:10:00.000+11:00

I haven't haven't had to time to just relax and write my thoughts down. I came out of a difficult cardiorespiratory lecture. I was intending to do a little more catch up study so that I can finally get up to date; but I now find myself lounging in the Frank Tate. My mind feels utterly exhausted; like a race car after a continuous 48 hour race. It's been relentless from 8am this morning till now. I need a break.

My head feel sore from fatigue. I don't feel like blogging about anything that requires me to think. I'm going to write whatever comes to my mind.

I'm grateful for the peace that I can experience when I just sit back, relax, and close my eyes - not worrying about anything. No cystic fibrosis, no pleura, no ARDS, no pulsus paradoxus, nothing but silence.

I thank God for my friends. A whole heap of them are having their birthdays in March! We celebrated Gab's 18th last night. We had dinner at The Booth (like we used to in the past) last night. I'll never forget how we tied him to the basketball pole and creamed/vegemited/egged him all over. He was a helpless white platter of whipped cream stinking of Vegemite. We thought it was all over until Gab managed to rip the tape around his wrist to break free. All hell broke loose! He went around creaming/vegemiting the instigators with the cream/vegemite on his body. I had a taste of my own medicine too.. but I was glad to share in the mess. I hope you had a memorable night, Gab!

I've got my driving test booked in for tomorrow! I'm finally going to get my P's! (That's IF i pass). I can still remember getting driven by my dad and grand dad while I was young. I've always had this inate desire to take over the wheel - driving gives me a heightened sense of freedom. I can go anywhere I want without having to trouble my parents. I don't have to waste time waiting on the inefficient public transport system. Yep, Nicole's agreed to take me to Vic Roads for my driving test cuz my parents will be busy entertaining the Balmers (who've just arrived from America). She's such a helpful person. I'm gonna carve a medal out of pure gold for her for her 80th birthday.

Thailand Mission Trip

2009-02-19T20:01:00.004+11:00

This post is long overdue. I wanted to blog about it before Uni started, but i couldn't find a right time and the right frame of mind to write. After a hectic first week of Uni, I'm convinced that if I don't blog about my amazing trip to Thailand tonight, I'll probably not do it at all. Hence, I've put all my books aside tonight to reflect on my life-changing trip to Thailand.

Qynn lead a group of us - Gab, Grace, Andrew, Haney, Brian and myself - on a 12 day mission trip to the North-eastern part of Bangkok, Thailand. I don't intend to invent the cure to insomnia, so I'll just blog about the breathtaking significant highlights of my trip.

Grace's Miracle

We had done 2 months of fund raising and preparation for worship, skits, teaching, games, etc. We were set to leave for Thailand on the Tues 13th of Jan, only to be notified at the airport that it was impossible for Grace to fly with us on that day! All international flights require a minimum validity period of 6 months, but her Malaysian passport only had 3 months!

Our cheerful and expectant moods were absolutely CRUSHED. Our enthusiasm was replaced with uncertainty and panic in just an instant. It's amazing how quickly the tides can change. Grace was a VITAL of our team - she had done heaps of preparation for the skits, the games, and the worship sessions. We would have struggled greatly without her. Qynn spoke to the manager, made several phone calls to the embassy, etc. He was desperately trying all he could to get Grace on that flight - but God had other plans for her.

Reluctantly, we got on the plane to Thailand without Grace. The 7 hour flight was torturious for Qynn because he couldn't do anything except to pray and to trust God - we were all forced to have faith in God and to trust in his sovereignty. I learnt a lesson too: many times we SAY that we trust God, but immediately after saying so we strategise and act to solve the problem ourselves. I've got to learnt to REALLY place the situation in its ENTIRETY in God's hands; and just sit and wait on the Lord in silence.

"And God was faithful..." He allowed Grace to join us 3 days later on the Thursday; just in time for all the real action! It was great having her around, I personally got to know her a lot more. I find her to have an extremely helpful spirit, and a teachable heart. I couldn't imagine the trip without her.

Nat

The absolute highlight of my trip would definitely be getting to meet my sponsor kid, Nat. Gab, Grace, Haney, and myself donate $44/month to Compassion to provide for her education and some food. However, we didn't know her personally, and it felt like we were just donating to a generic charity.

Meeting Nat transformed my sympathetic "donation" of $11/month into a life-long commitment of true and genuine love. I still remember meeting Nat for the first time at project TH-422. That adorable 6 year old girl with light brown silky hair, eyes of perfect innocence, and a sweet smile that makes krispy kreme doughnuts taste bland.

Despite the language barrier, we had a lot of fun with Nat. We would communicate with her mainly through hand signs and facial expressions. She LOVED our cameras. She loved taking photos with us. She loved taking photos of herself too! That was really cute!

We visited her family at their home one evening. Her mum sells food by the road and her dad is a janitor at the local school. They're too poor to afford a house, so they currently live in a small room in her grandmum's house; and sometimes they stay in a provisional house provided by the school for her dad when he works late shifts. We feel compassionate and somber as we toured around her house. Her mum showed us 6 concrete pillars already erected in their backyard which were the foundations of their future house. They're currently trying to save up enough money to finance the materials and the construction. I was distressed when she told us that she had to take up a 3000 baht (~$150 AUD) loan to buy a rice cooker and food for the family. So the four of us (Gab, Grace, Haney, myself) decided to pay the debt off for them - just to relief them of the interest burden.

I remember taking her out to dinner twice. She'd always order the Thai fried rice - I think that's her favourite. She'd always get her food before me, and I would tease her by acting like I was hungry to see if she would offer me her food. haha! She just stare at me with innocence topped with a hint of cute annoyance. I remember feeding her with the "aeroplane routine". She absolutely loved that! I even got her to feed Gab with the "aeroplane". haha!

Nat's fortunate to have 4 sponsor parents because that meant that she was to receive presents from each of us! Gab bought her a special towel from Disneyland that expands when you soak it in water from the size no bigger than two 50 cent coins to a full-sized face towel. Nat was VERY excited about that! haha! It was probably her first time witnessing "magic". I remember her picking it up from the jug of water and walking off briskly without saying a word. We all looked to each other in shock at her poor mannerisms, only to realise that she was drying the towel in the sun! haha! I love that girl. She's got this shy attitude about her that really intrigues me. She's really shy initially and that makes it hard to win her trust. But she's just so adorable once she opens up to you.

Grace got her a recorder and Haney got her a barbie doll. I got her some crayons, coloured pencils, markers, and a drawing book - everything she needed to wield her creative prowess. Our hearts melted when she opened the drawing book immediately and started drawing a picture of us (she only drew Grace, really). She drew her red dress and the buttons on it without even taking a 2nd look at Grace!!! That's amazing! I couldn't have done that! haha! And she topped it off by writing: "Nat loves her (sponsor) dads and mums" in Thai. She stole my heart then, and it's been with her ever since. I love her. I think about her everyday. I pray for her everyday.

Andrew's Amazing Adjustment

Andrew's complete transformation is the most radical one I've witnessed. Prior to the trip, many would have labelled him as "anti-social" or "disinterested in socialising". I personally tried to chat to him in Fungus, but I found myself confronting a brick wall of single-word answers. Even during the bonding sessions prior to the trip, there was some obvious tension between Haney's enthusiastic fervour and Andrew's indignant attitude. I remember this convo:

Haney: So Andrew, have you got any prayer requests?

Andrew: No, my life is perfect.

Haney: Nor-ma-gi-le!!!!!!!!!

Through the trip, Andrew started to open up. He really is funny and talkative by nature, but several things have supressed that through all these years confining him to a hermit shell of alienation: Alienation to reprise the Fear of Rejection. There were many glimpses of his amazing hilarity (I LOVE his jokes!! And the way he gets on Haney's nerves all the time!!) and he started to open up to us in devotions. There was a point when he even agreed to do a mock-up serenade to Haney! He sang "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade for her with the most hilarious gestures! Unforrunately, the video's too huge to upload, but i'll see what I can do! :P

It was really encouraging to see him get involved in our activities with the kids, and to hear him pray with such sincerity. Nevertheless, he would always revert to his alienative self once in a while.

It was not until the 2nd last day when we were all having a real conversation that the real change happened. Andrew told us the reasons why he had been so "anti-social" in the past, and how he didn't see the value in developing our friendship when he's going to be in Adelaide for the next 5 years or so. I know it sounds pretty gay, but I told him that we weren't being friends just because we had to on this mission trip. We were friends that prayed for each other because we genuinely loved and cared for him. I don't think he believed me right away that night.. but I'm sure it simmered in because he was just a completely new person the next day! haha!

Qynn, Gab and I bought him a makeover at a high-class hair salon. Hence, his new hardcore hairstyle. That cost us 1300 baht! The most hilarious thing was when he wore the Mr. Jihad T-shirt that I bought him through the customs and onto the plane back to Australia!!! LOL!!!!!!! That was classic! He even wore it through the Aussie customs!

Andrew, you're a legend. Don't ever forget that, bro! :)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Kids at TH-422

Compassion plants one project in each poor region,I'll never forget the innocent faces of the kids at the project. They were so excited to see us when he got there.

Food!

Worship

Mink

Hilarity TV in the Van

Prayer: Adjustment of Faith

TH-421

Motivation

I need Strength..

2009-02-04T23:07:00.002+11:00

It's been too long since I last blogged. I've been wanting to do a massive blog post about my mission trip to Thailand; but I've been too busy with packing my room and sorting other things out. Amidst all that, I think I'm going through a rather important time in my life right now where I'm evaluating where God's leading me this year and in the future.

I didn't want to blog, but I'm been inspired to do so by Jon's encouraging emails elaborating excerpts from my previous blog posts! I'm truly grateful for such a friend like Jon. He's overwhelmingly encouraging. He's the only person I know that would search the archives of my blog for inspiration and encouragement. Hence, I've decided to share what I wrote in my journal today. It's a rather long post about how God's spoke to me specifically today:

" Sha and I had our first driving lesson today. We got our instructor, Susanne, through a recommendation by the Hoe's. Susanne alerted me to all the knitty-gritty things that I negligently overlook when I drive casually - to the extent that I got nervous before every maneuver. Nevertheless, I started to get the hang of driving cautiously and getting into the habit of making pronounced headchecks and mirror checks. I finally learned the proper technique for the 3-point turn and the reverse parallel park. They're very simple low-speed maneuveres really.

My willingness to be completely detachd from Fungus/101, coupled with my immense apprehension about joining Vive; shaken together thoroughly; sprinkled with my enthusiastic eagerness about treading the unfamiliar and daunting grounds of University minitry through Studentlife; has been an overwhelming burden upon my weary heart, mind and soul.

Vive is the uni-group in my home church, Crossway Baptist. And I rightfully should be part of and serving in it. However, my apprehension is greatly due to the drastic culture difference between Vive and Fungus. Vive is a lemon cake sprinkled with sesame seeds; while Fungus is a tasty mudcake with the most stringent spray of icing. Obviously, they taste completely different: it would take a great deal of confidence, motivation, and perseverance to overcome the inertia of learning to love lemon cake.

Fungus, on the other hand, is a place I feel at home. I sincerely love the people in it. I grew up in Fungus. I am part of it. And it definitely possesses a significant portion of my being. People like Qynn, Chris, John, Gab, Shaun, Nick, Aud, Alv, Sonjia, Lashes, Ruth, Jon, Franny, Pete, Vernis and Nicole have had great influences on my life; they have no doubt helped to shape me into who I am this day. I am eternally grateful. I've been serving as a Fungus leader for a year now, and I'm loving it. I feel that God has primed me up by giving me an opportunity to be part of the core leadership so that I can contribute greatly to the growth of Fungus this year. However, my parents feel that the greater church, FGA, has got flawed biblical teachings and would prove an unsuitable church to be part of. Hence, they have warned me not to continue serving, or being part of, a ministry in FGA. My parents are great, God-fearing, bible-studying, people-loving, Jesus-following people whom I respect greatly. So I take their opinions with considerable importance. And frankly, that is a tough nut for me to swallow. I wouldn't even call it a nut, it's more like a massive durian with razor sharp stainless steel spikes. I know it's going to hurt if I swallow it; I might even bleed. I know I will bleed.

About Studentlife. During my short mission trip to Thailand, God convicted my heart about doing something that significantly changes LIVES with my life. I was inspired by Mink, Prue, Alexandra, and all the other Compassion staff (interpreters, child workers, teachers, cooks, pastors, etc.) They've committed their lives to serving Christ in their profession - and in some way to bring joy and hope into the lives of poverty-stricken children. They have seized a marvellous opportunity to show the unconditional and unfailing love of God to those who would listen! Seeing the overwhelming joy that permeats through the childrens' smiles and actions because of our acts of love, brings such joy and warmth to my innermost being. It makes me feel as though my life was well-spent; truly meaningful. What could be more rewarding than to spend everyday sharing and multiplying the love of Christ to poverty-stricken children who would ever so openly receive it?!

That has inspired me to share that same love, the Love of God, to people in uni. I remember seeing somewhat of a vision of a group of enthusiastic CHristians worshipping God on a stage right in the middle of South Lawn. And everyone who walked past glanced by in awe and amazement. There's nothing we can do to save souls; but I envisaged the Holy Spirit flowing ever so strongly in that place to touch and convict the deepest parts of everyone that looked on. So much so that they too would worship the Lord our God. I foresaw a new revolution - a love revolution totally devoted to Jesus Christ.

Honestly, I lack faith, although I do beleive that it is possible. Hence, my worry; my anxiety; my doubt.

As I worshipped God just then, he subtly put images into my mind about what he wanted me to do in each of these 3 ministries this year.

Vive was first. As I sang, the theme of me surrendering my life to the will of God came up over and over again. now I know that altohugh it makes no sense to learn to eat lemon cake, God is saying: "Trust in Me."

O Lord, would you please have your way in me. I humbly offer my life to you. Give me confidence and strength by the power of your Holy Spirit.

Studentlife was second. I began to think about gathering all the Christian friends I knew in Uni and uniting us all. God put names into my heart to invite to Studentlife's kick-off camp: Alv, Aud, Chris, NIgel, Ven, Tim, Nic, etc. I thank God for showing me the first stop to take in making a difference in Uni.

I pray, O Lord, that you'd continue to grant me wisdom and vision from your Holy Spirit.

I didn't expect it: Fungus was third! God caused me to think about the lack of passion in the leadership; and what I could offer to it. I thought about the opportunity I would have to further encourage people like Jon, Franny, Harold, Tony, etc. And even to mentor the Assistant Leaders like Shaun. I take this as a clear sign that I should remain serving in Fungus.

I'm glad that you answered when I sought you, Lord. Forgive me of my short-comings and grant me strength."

I'll blog about my trip to Thailand tmr should time permit! :)

Guardian of My Heart

2008-12-07T22:39:00.003+11:00

A flood pours down
And my heart overflows of your unfailing love
I am blinded by thee
So that I fear not even the rugged cliff
How long will you let me fall?
Fear overwhelms with its sharp cruel claws
Yet it grasps not my heart,
Nor my feeble mind.
For you are my Saviour.
-
My soul cries out to thee,
I praise you from my innermost being.
You have guarded my heart,
And have broken my fall.
Amazing Grace,
Unending Love which covers all.

Your will heedest not my selfish desires,
Your righteousness shames my bout of folly.
O, how you have rescued me in my time of trouble.
You have delivered me from the hands of the evil one.
-
My soul; it longs for you.
For you are my portion,
The sole reason for its being.
Deepest agony would grip my heart,
Should thy praise depart from my mouth.
I will not to stray from thee.
Thy Word leads me to safe places,
And I find rest in the palms of your hands.

isaac
7/12/08
-

hate.

2008-12-04T23:48:00.002+11:00

I'm beginning to hate myself and the values I hold dear.

Would I have to feel all this disappointment welling up inside of me?

If I was amoral, I wouldn't feel bad about hurting anyone. And in so doing, I won't hurt myself either.

I want to rant about the folly of some people, and the sheer immaturity of others.. but I've learned through the years that anger in itself is nothing but folly - nothing good shall ever stem from fiery alphabets stringed together to form a bitter cord.

I'm foolish too.

No doubt I'm immature.

I forgive you, at least I want to.. but I can't seem to get this strong bitterness and disappointment within me.

It's eating me up like a little green worm devouring the core of a fresh potato.

I need some pesticide.

2008-12-02T12:53:00.000+11:00

"Hey Abraham,

My hols started last week. They've been fully packed so far..

I think i'm experiencing b'day party overload.

I'm thinking of spending a day or two not doing anything to sort out what I wanna get done in my hols and set some resolutions for next year!

Having fun just seems quite futile atm.

What've you been up to?"

Lost In Love

2008-11-29T14:19:00.002+11:00

I'm just a man
With a guitar in a pen in my hand
Writing a love song
To the one who's trapped in my head
I think of you
The very moment I wake from my bed
I can't get you outta my head
With you I'm lovestruck
Without you I'm dumbstruck
I've run out of words to say.

I'm singing this love song
From the bottom of my heart
Cuz you're more than a work of art
You're the light in my darkness
My peace in this madness
The joy in my sadness
You are,
The Son of the living God.

isaac
27.11.08

I've written a few love songs to God, but none like this one. This one's got a radical tune.. almost cornishly hilarious.

I've been wondering how true love feels like. It's a tough question because the truth is, no one really knows. A lengthy marriage isn't proof of true love, a fulfilling one is.

Sadly, if you ask anyone if their marriage is fulfilling, they'd hesitate, then probably say "yes".

Even more sadly, relationships are so casual now that we just jump in and out thinking that it's all normal.

In fact, it isn't. Every broken relationship leaves a scar on our inner most parts. (i.e. If there is enough reality within us left to find our souls) Look hard, you'll find them.

I never thought I'd feel this way about my broken relationships that go way back. I guess once you've decided to "like"/"love" someone, you give them a part of yourself; a very delicate piece of your very soul to keep. It's theirs to keep, but a defect still remains.

No matter how hard we try to deny. The fact lies that they still have a hold on us. I find myself reminiscing over past intimacies; unhealthy, shameful. I acknowledge that I still have soft spots, the very defects; the missing pieces of my soul, for those I once "loved".

I'm worried that I won't be able to tell the difference between that "love" and "true love". When do I know if what I feel is from God?

Is it genuine?

I ask myself that, and against my conscience, I affirm "Yes".

But who am I to know what lies beyond that invisible line we like to know as "time".

I want to let her know how I feel. Yet love compels me not to. It's not that I'm lacking confidence; or fear rejection - I love her too much to ruin God's perfect love story for her.

I need wisdom, O Lord.

Planting Seeds..

2008-11-27T12:23:00.003+11:00

There's always an enthusiastic joy when we plant seeds.

A deep eagerness to see it grow drives us to do radical things.

I planted a potato in my backyard a month ago.

I watered it and waited.

I just checked on it.

It's not growing.

Here's a remarkable truth in the words of Paul.

We can only plant the seed;

We can only water the seed;

We can only shower some love on it.

But it is God who makes it grow.

I'm having faith in my potato.

Diary

2008-11-10T08:35:00.004+11:00

Our 2nd Semester of Futsal was a whole lot better than our first. There were a few tweaks to our squad - Stevie and Turk disappeared (literally). We got them replaced with the Wang Fang and the trusty-footed Nigel.

Squad: Tommy, Jin, Tom Wang, Jase, Jono (super star!!), Daz, Nigel, and I-saac

Look at the table! We're ahead of the Mauritians!! haha! We only got as far as the quarter finals where we lost to the Mauritians (-.-""") 2-1 in extra time.

----

I've got 6 exams spanning the next 3 weeks.

I'm 6 hours away from my first Physio exam.

I'm 6 months away from being fully prepared.

666. What do you know? The devil's on the loose.

Talk about Obama trying to unite the world.

-----

I've been able to wriggle out of many exams/sacs in the past. But I've come to my wits end this time. I pray for God to help me out of it, and at the same time I feel unworthy; almost guilty that I'm the only one to blame for my current situation. I know that my laziness doesn't deserve divine intervention; yet deep within my innermost being there is a hope that I somehow might make it through this test.

----

Besides studying relentlessly for my exams in the past week, the other reason that's kept me from blogging is the genesis of my diary. Adrienne told me that she doesn't like writing long blog posts about her life anymore because she'd rather journal her more personal feelings. That made sense.

Nicole gave me a really nice journal for my 18th - Footprints. I didn't want it to make too many dusty friends on the shelf.

I felt a sudden urge to write, so I did.

For all those people who insist on calling me "gay" because I like flowers, here's another one for ya.

I keep a journal now.

----

Yes, congrats to Qynn and Sonja for the birth of their son (future Stevie G), Asher Loke! :)

May God grace you with wisdom beyond your years to bring Asher up in the ways of the Lord so that his heart may continually combust with passion and devotion for Jesus Christ!

Your Love

2008-10-22T23:16:00.001+11:00

Your Love is like the morning sunshine
Your Love breaks the darkest rain cloud
Your Love puts a smile onto my face
Your Love takes me to a happy place.

Isaac
20.10.08

Finally 18..

2008-10-20T20:44:00.006+11:00

After dunking Dan into the sea.

Twins! Dan?

Look at the sunset! Stop staring at my fats! :P

Beach volleyball!

Joce and Nic trying hard.

MHS Sauage Fest!

Fungus!

"My daddy + my Mummy + Sha Sha + Me" :D

After we threw Tommy into the sea.

Beer galore. Tom Wang had a Barcardi instead.

Watching the sunset.

Me and the 2 stooges.

It took me 4 hours to make that present for Sha -.-" Barcardi breezers for her to chill out during her VCE prep! haha!

18 orchids from 18 girls.

18 love letters from 18 girls.

My favourite sister.

To many more years of friendship + sausage fests!

-

Your Love is like the morning sunshine, Your Love breaks the darkest rain cloud. Your Love puts a smile onto my face, Your Love takes me to a happy place. - isaac 20.10.08

I just had a rather hilarious convo with my mum.

- Mum: *looks into the fridge* The salad's missing! Me: It could've run away. Mum: Oh, it's burried under the carrots. Me: I'm sorry, i thought they were dead. -

The salad was rotten.
-

Jerusha and I had our 18th b'day party at Mordialliac beach on Sat. The entire day was very much as enjoyable as i expected it to be! Fun times like these always pass, but the legacy they leave behind remain in the substance of a memory.
So, these are some of my memories:

The day was fantastic! 28 degrees. Sunny. And we rocked up 30mins late to our own party! -.x"
Trying to comfort Audrey with a seedy hotdog because a pack of dogs stole the $120 watch she + fungus bought me for my b'day. What can I say? Shucks! :D I told her that a poem would mean so much more to me than a $120 watch.
Getting decked by the 10-20 Fungahooligans who cracked eggs and poured a stew of fish oil and flour all over my back and into my undies -.-""""""" I should've baked my arse in the sun and got them to lick the egg off :) Yum. It's a pity that all had to leave early.. I would have had my sweet revenge if they had stayed on for longer :)
Receiving 18 love letters and 18 stunning orchids from 18 beautiful girls.
Picking up live jelly fish from the sea and chucking them at Fungahooligans.
Almost dunked Audrey into the sea.. but her pleas for mercy and Sarah's puppy eyes.. aww.. I regret not dunking her :)
Having a GREAT time with my old MHS friends: Tommy, Marcus, T. Wang, Phan, Jono, Victor, Jin, Antho, Banh, and Dan Lim. It was great seeing all of them together again after such a long time. We played volleyball, swam with the jellyfish, drank heaps, watched the sun set, dunked Tommy in the sea, dunked Dan Lim in the sea, and buried T.Wang. haha! Good times.. Jin brought sooo much beer along and almost got my drunk x.-""
The spectacular sunset. That was well worth staying for. Got to chat with Joce and Nic a lil at least. Glad that they could relax and appreciate a good Aussie sunset for once.

I just wanna thank everyone who bothered to rock up at such a remote place in the midst of all your important exams. It really means so much to me.. you've got no idea how much I enjoyed my b'day cuz all of you were there.

Special thanks goes to my parents for all the love they showed towards Sha and I through their actions. For 2 consecutive weeks they've slogged in the kitchen and sacrificed their weekends to cook and prepare delicious food for both parties. Thanks dad and mum. Dw, i'll get you guys your beach house + boat + car soon enough :)

All I asked for was a poem. But I got everything but a poem, which brings me to the other person I should really thank: my twin sister. Thanks Sha for writing me such a touching card + a POEM!! You might be oblivious to the fact that you're the only sister that I would ever ask for, but your words (mostly encouraging and sometimes harsh) have helped me become a better man. Thanks so much for always looking out for me :)

That's the card that Sha made for me.. the pic almost made me tear.

Thanks also to my best friend, Joce, who wrote me a 1300+ word prayer!! haha! And that email you sent me abt "The Ungrateful Friend" almost made me laugh my head off! Thanks for ALL your encouragements over the last, what, 8 years? Thanks for all the laughs, and for all the tough times :)

Faith.. Friends..

2008-10-12T23:09:00.002+11:00

God is the cool fresh wind on a hot summer's day,
A friend is the towel that wipes the sweat off your brow.
God is the water in the desert,
A friend is the one who tips the water into your mouth when you're too weak to hold the bottle.

As most of you know, i was going through one of the toughest weeks in my life last week. Praise be to God! I've finally pulled through and my faith is stronger than ever.. and it will continue to grow. I've learned a few things..

Firstly, to be careful not to be too carried away to the extent that I'm replying on my own strength when I'm serving God. I thought that I was "close" to God, and that my faith was unshakable.. I'm a man of remarkable folly!

Secondly, spiritual attacks do occur. Jon (Lee) emailed me with a word of encouragement:

"The bible says that the devil doesn't care about those kind of Christians that keep quiet about their faith, or don't do much to lead others to the truth; which is Christ. He leaves them alone.But he DOES bother those who make a difference in the lives of others; those who share about their relationship with God. When u got the CIA room underway, it is startign to get others to build Christ centered relationships. So because of this, I am sure that the devil is trying his hardest to knock u off track."

Thirdly, Salvation comes only by Faith. And Faith is believing in something that isn't seen, that can't be proven! I have Hope and Purpose in my life. I've seen God change my life, and the lives of many of my friends. In that, I firmly place my trust at the foot of the cross. No turning back.

Finally, God has very graciously blessed me with friends who genuinely care. When I was in my lowest moments, God sent some angels to brighten up my day (i was surprised at the senders of some of those encouragements!)

Jon Lee, Dani, Betty, Erin, Franny, and Joce all emailed me to remind me of God's faithfulness and not to give up on him. From the deepest portions of my heart, I thank the Lord for the 6 of you. You've got no idea how encouraged I was with every word I read. I'm genuinely grateful that God has blessed me with you guys! :)

Spiritual Fatigue..

2008-10-09T08:07:00.002+11:00

Free falling into the dark deep with nothing but a harness strapped around my waist... will the rope be long enough?

At this stage, it seems ever so short.

I'm tired. Physically, but more severely, Spiritually.

I never thought I'd come to this, especially with all that God's been putting on my heart over the past couple of weeks. Amidst my decision to make stand for God, I find my heart desperately crying out:

"Where are you, God?"

I need you.

This week has been overwhelming for me.

This Friday's the launch of MUSHroom. I want to, but I don't seem to have that same passion and fervor that I once had for it. And there are reasons behind it -

Firstly, I've been pushing and pushing; trying to motivate others to share my passion. I've been hit with harsh and discouraging remarks, but i did persevere. And here we are.. all ready to launch, but I found it soo hard to remain positive as I wrote a prep email for the CIA members last night.

Then, there's this doubt within me that some CIA members aren't really motivated to serve themselves! Sure, I could point out a handful that are serving because they love Christ. Yet I know that some others are there for the wrong reasons. And I think it's fair enough to say that the reasons are of a lustful/sexual nature. How can we influence people to develop Christ-centred relationships if we ourselves aren't practising that in our personal lives?!

I've committed two days this week to do evagelistic surveys at Melb Uni with Sam and Chris. In high-spirits, I boldly agreed to make a stand for Christ at Uni. Afterall, it IS the Great Commandmant to go and make disciples!

So off we went from 4-6pm on Tuesday. Sam did the first few intros. The first group we approached gave disgusted replies. One guy even added: "I hate you!" in a sincere tone of utter disgust. Sam thought that i'd be discouraged as it was the worse response he'd received in his 4 years of Street-E. I found it rather funny..

We approached 6 other pple. We received 6 other rejections. Ironically, I was gaining more and more confidence with each rejection. And I began to really comprehend what it felt like to boldly proclaim your beliefs and to obey Jesus. Chris joined us at 5pm, and the 3 of us approached this couple who agreed to do our survey.

Our 30-min conversation about the reality of God, the folly of the Gospel, the truth of the bible, etc. was extremely detailed. The couple were Vet Science students, and they obviously had a firm foundation about evolution (which they believe is a proven fact). The man told us that he had a Christian phase. He was persuaded by a Christian friend to honestly seek God. So he did. He said to God: "God, if you're real, show yourself to me."

He went on to read many Christian books. He said that God never "showed up", and it took very little to totally destroy what little faith he had. That story really discouraged me. At that point of time, I told Sam and Chris that I was actually intrigued and encouraged despite the disheartening conversation we had with that couple. I was encouraged because the man described faith as "folly; an insult to science" and that was precisely what Paul was talking about in Corinthians. He stated that God's wisdom seems like foolishness to man, and no one can understand it except by the Grace of God.

Unknowingly, lil sprouts of doubt started to well up in my heart and my faith seemed utterly shaky. Do I truly know what I believe in? Or am I just another idiot that has merely taken up a religion as a source of peace, hope and love? Has it all been real? Or have I merely been disillusioned?

The other thing that's really getting to me is my studies. I've been spending so much time thinking about God and doing ministry in Fungus and in Uni that I've TOTALLY neglected my studies. I'm seriously falling behind when my exams are just around the corner.

No, don't get me wrong. I haven't given up on God. I know that it is only by FAITH that we are saved. God HAS spoken to me through various parts of my life. He HAS put peace and hope in my heart in my lowest of moments. Jesus HAS changed my life - and many can testify to that!

But I'm spiritually drained.. i'm tired.. fatigued in every way possible. I've been reading the Word, but nothing's coming through to my weary spirit.

God, if you are real.

Show yourself to me.

Restore unto me the Joy of the Lord

And with Faith that pacifies the doubts of my mind

I need you, Jesus.

This I ask for your Name's sake.

Amen.

Birthdays

2008-10-06T22:27:00.003+11:00

It was Aud's birthday not too long ago. Sadly, I couldn't make it to her b'day party, but I wrote her a poem. It's about the little things in life that we fail to appreciate because of the spirit of haste that overtakes us every moment of the day. Our birthdays would be pointless if we don't sit down and take some time to appreciate the little things in life; and ponder about what really has made us one year more mature.

The Silent Thief

The Summer Sun rises and hangs in stead,
The Winter moon lightens the ground of the dead.
Who shall ponder o'er history's past?
No; not one shall will to ask.

The fresh sensation against my face,
The rustling of the leaves on a nearby tree.
Clouds that sail over the sky of sea.
Wind blows North then East,
Of whose command shall it ever heed?

Blades of grass awake to dew each morn,
They give its due attention for none else will
A hurried shoe ends its life-filled life.
Rain falls outside leaving drops on the sill,
Yet none shall notice,
A silent thief empties attention's till.

Dark smoke rises this time each year,
The secret it carries disperses from sight.
Remembered are the cheers of the year behind,
Though forgotten, the jeers colour the future bright.
How much wisdom has the Victor gained?
How much youth shall he retain?

The Summer Sun rises and hangs in stead,
The Winter moon lightens the ground of the dead.
Who shall ponder o'er history's past?
No; not one shall will to ask.
- isaac

Speaking of birthdays, my 18th's coming up. My long awaited 18. It's really quite scary thinking back to the time i turned 13 and looking forward to the heightened responsibilites that being 18 really holds. Interesting..

I used to think flying on aeroplanes was cool because there are movies to watch and you get waited on hand and foot. But I would very much rather a good night's rest now..

I used to like sweet soft drinks. Now, i'd very much rather a hot Vienna and a chat with my close friends.

I used to knock off at 9pm sharp. Now, i only wish i could get the dishes done by 9pm.

I used to love God. Now, I know Jesus and I love Him more.

I used to watch my parents drive. Now, I watch them quiver and scream at me as i control the wheel.

Growing older doesn't necessary make you wiser.. I pray that God would grant me more Godly widom, a heart of love, and a spirit of humility for my 18th b'day.

I was pretty discouraged at the Fungus Leaders Meeting last week. I won't point any names out cuz that's immature, but i felt that I was looked down upon because of my age. Yes, I'm still 17 and very much the same age of a lot of the highschoolers at Fungus. What gives me the right to lead them or even to suggest to the older leaders how to lead?? What arrogance! I was dejected, but God reminded me of 2 Tim 4:12.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

Words that restored joy and peace in my heart.

I guess some of you are reading my blog to find out what I want for my birthday. I thought about it, and nothing material particularly interested me because of their superficiality. So here's my wishlist:

A poem (No one's ever written me one)
That you would make an effort to know Christ; read his word every day for a week and pray for me and your other friends.

Bye Paul..

2008-10-06T22:08:00.003+11:00

Paul left on Wednesday. I didn't think i'd feel this way. But I do miss him. I miss chatting with him about the most hypothetical stuff, watching "My Name is Earl", shopping, eating Mee Goreng and bowls of Coco Crunch in the middle of the night. He's got such a unique sense of humour. I took quite some time to get used to it. He reminds me of how lame i can be at times! x.-"

Sleeping on the floor for the past 3 weeks really got to my mood! Albeit, I had so many fun times with Paul.

At Philip Island; walking with the Penguins. We even got to see a wallaby jump outta nowhere into the path of the waddling penguins!

At Mornington Peninsula; fished for 5 hours and caught absolutely NOTHING! haha! That's something to remember!

At Healsville Sanctuary; we got to see the platypiii! loL! The massive pellicans. Paul even got the chance to stalk some kangaroos! Oh yes, and there was the wild wedged-tail eagle that scared the living daylights outta the vulture. The vulture flew away and the Birds of Prey show got cancelled.

At Box Hill; playing soccer.. watching you pull off all those fancy Singaporean tricks.

Paul, I'm glad that you took time off to come to Melbourne :)

Paul Arrives Downunder

2008-09-13T11:30:00.004+10:00

My passion blows swift
It is a rushing wind
A love so strong,
Yet lost in Its sense.

I want my love
To love your inner being
For better and worse
To fall deeper with you.

The past week has been utterly hectic for me. I led worship and bible study for Studentlife on Tuesday and Wednesday. My Tuesday was literally packed to the minute. I had a lecture and a prac till 12, then i had to RUSH all the way to the Old Geo building to lead worship which was meant to start at 12pm.

It was a completely new experience. As i walked into the lecture hall, i began to realise the full extent of what I had gotten myself into. The hall was filled with ~30 people that I didn't know. I didn't have a mic. All I had were my two trusty friends: Chris on his guitar, and Jane on her keyboard. I had my guitar too. It's terribly hard to lead worship with no mic, and un-amped guitars. Yet it's terribly easy to just let the Lord take full control - I could feel the presence of God so strongly in that worship session. Sure, the music wasn't great and I sounded like a dolphin on crack, but I'm sure God was pleased. That's all that matters.

I think the highlight of my week was our game against the Mighty Mauritians. Right after the worship session, which ended at 1pm, I rushed off to the hockey pitch for my futsal match at 1.20pm. Tommy, Jase, Jono, Daz, Nigel, TWang were already set to take on the aggressive Mauritians. These guys totally thrashed us 4-0 in the past, and we simply stood NO CHANCE against them. They made us look like school boys chasing after butterflies.

Well, we started the game off with the intention of sitting back and trying not to lose by too big a margin so as to save our shame. Unexpectedly, I had a fortunate break and managed to slot the ball home in the first 5 minutes. Daz, Jono and Tom Wang really stuck their bodies into every challenge, they chased every ball like dogs on heat! Consequently, Jono and T Wang suffered substantial injuries. Soon enough, Tom Wang converted a second and we were 2-0 up! lol! We continued to dominate most of the match to seal a 2-1 victory over the Mauritians. Booyah! :) But this will go down as one of my biggest victories.

I led the Studentlife bible study on Weds. Joce and Aud came along to give me some support. I reckon i did a rather poor job. I don't know what got into me that day. I had PBL that morning, but i just didn't feel like talking AT ALL -.-"" I think it was fatigue.

Paul, my funny cousin, just arrived from Singapore on Weds for a 3 week holiday. People think I'm lame and extremely eccentric, but I think Paul surpasses me by leaps and bounds in this area. He's always full of funny jokes and corny stories! haha! We got a chance to have a kick at Fungus soccer last night. I've never played soccer with Paul until the start of this year. He's actually pretty good. Dan Lim, Paul and I combined to pull of some awesome stuff last night - can't wait for the next Futsal session!

Hearing From God

2008-09-04T19:18:00.002+10:00

This week's been a very eventful one.. it fully deserves the credit of my 500th post!

"Honest question; where are his balls?"
- Audrey Tan Hui Ya
-

"Ball sense -If you touched me in the balls; I'd be able to sense it."
- Tommy Wu something something
-

"So... do you touch others or do you touch yourself?"
- Audrey Tan. In response to my response to her initial question

God put 2 strong passions/ crazy ideas in my heart on the way to the city this Monday. As I was fighting my fatigue in the back seat of my Odyssey, half asleep, i thought about:

1) CIA Welcome for Fungus
2) Setting a trend with Christian Tees

When I was at the rally, I realised that there wasn't a lot of excitement leading up to it.. I was just "going through the motions" - a situation which i absolutely detest. And the fact that it was my final year at Fungus began to dawn upon me, and I wanted to do something before I left.

On that night, Tim (Chris's friend) came to speak to me. He asked me a rather probing question (and i believe God made him ask it): "So how's it like being a Fungus leader?"

I wasn't stumped. I knew my answer; but I definitely was rather disappointed at the realisation of the severity of my response.

"Average," I said. "Very average. I've been a very normal leader."

Well, Chris is one person God used to speak to me. Another unexpected figure is Pete's friend, whose name escapes me! x.-" Anyway, I spoke to him during one of the rehearsals. He asked if I wanted to go outside for a walk. He pulled out a fag the moment we stepped out into the fresh air and confessed that he smokes a box a day. We had a convo which had me absolutely baffled at numerous points.

Here's what I got out of it: He was thrown outta the house and disowned by his parents at the age of 14 because he wasn't hardworking, he then went on to start a car factory with his cousin which really took off. He now owns 5 car factories importing and selling cars from Italy, Japan, Amercia and other parts of Europe. He spends 3 days a week bossing his 40 workers around. He was part of the 2nd best break dancing crew in Australia, and frequently took part in famous dance comps. However, his crew disbanded not too long ago and he lost interest in breakdancing ever since. He has a red sach in Shaolin Kung Fu and used to teach kids at some martial arts school. He currently lives in a house on the most expensive street in Toorak. He's only 20.

I didn't take too much of a fancy towards him, and i can't help but to think that he's lying. Regardless, he said something that really got me thinking... and i have reason to believe that God spoke to me through him.

"If you want to do something, just go out and do it. Most people study and wait till they get their degrees; then they do what others tell them to."

-1-

These things really got into my head that Monday morning. I was in a daze, but there was a World War going on in my head - it might have been a dream. About CIA. We had a core leaders meeting months ago about how we can motivate the CIA members and to make CIA an integral part of Fungus. We talked about having a Welcoming Room for the newcomers where ice barriers can be broken through board games, electronic games, or a warm coffee and a heart to heart chat on comfy bean bags. I thought that was a great idea. I went a 1/4 of the way, but i failed to get it done.

I can picture a lounge-like room that everyone can chill out in before and after fungus for quality fellowship. Hopefully, the games would break cliques and initiate conversation with those that are a little more shy. I can imagine all the CIA members wearing the CIA logo proudly on their CIA T-shirts hosting the game booths, serving coffee and drinks, and warmly welcoming newcomers.

Well, not anymore.. i want to see it done, and i will do it. I know it will cost quite a bit to get electronic games, or to provide coffee, or to buy bean bags, etc. Whatever, I'm willing to do anything to fund raise. I'll chip in and beg others to chip in. Something has to be done to spice Fungus up again, something has to be done to re-motivate our CIA members. I long to see the day that everyone will be so desirous to join CIA, to speak to newcomers, and to genuinely get to know one another.

-2-

The other idea was radical. I went to shop at the Essendon DFO last week and bought a pair of Billabong jeans that had a fancy tag on it with the brand name "Billabong" fancily grafittied on it. The idea came to me that it would be feasible to have insane grafitti of the powerful, life-changing Word of God on T-shirts!

I know that there are plenty of "Christian Tees". BUT, the reason why we all don't wear them is because of either one of, or a combination of the following:

Quality
Size: they never seem to fit well
Marketing: we never hear or see the good ones advertised

Imagine if the Quality was as good as the branded ones and if the sizes fitted PERFECTLY. Marketing is pretty straight forward. It would be cheap cuz we won't be profit-oriented. I could imagine everyone in Uni wearing Christian Tees with fully-sick grafitti biblical truths on them! It would be a crazy fad.. and lots of people would be wondering who Jesus is!

All we need is:

Most importantly, God
A high quality clothing manufacturer
A group of creative designers

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had my Hep B vaccination this Monday. I walked out of the Microbiology Dept in the medical wing of Melb Uni and sat down in the cool breeze just staring at the barren trees and the vast white sky. I began to wonder what defines true greatness in man. I thought abt the doctor that just gave me the vaccine, and I thought; all Doctors, and other health professions can, and ever will do is to cure diseases and fix problems. They're a secondary solution to the real problem.

JESUS is who people really need. It saddens me how corrupted and disfigured our society is. It pains me how people reject Jesus, the one who loved us so much that he suffered and died for us. I want to see Jesus glorified... because He deserves it.

That's what drives me.

Crazy Sex Rally

2008-08-31T20:22:00.003+10:00

My final Fungus Rally, the Crazy Sex Rally, turned out to be crazier than i expected. Fungus rallies used to be extremely hyped up. Everyone would be FULL of excitement and expectation. But the futile battle with time has only weakened that unquenchable zeal to a state where rallies are deemed as no more than "routine". It's a sad reality.

It saddens me. Yet it motivates me, to an even greater extent, to make a difference with the little time i have left with Fungus. Pray for me that my desire might turn into determination.

As i mentioned before, last night's Crazy Sex Rally was much better than I had expected! I really enjoyed the games (i won a Leona Lewis album, which I gave to Dan), the videos (Aud, you're the main cause of global warming), and most of all the message. Peter Janetski delivered an insightful message about the dangers of sex and what God has to say about it. He substantiated his points with an array of statistics, which warranted numerous negative responses. But i found them particularly interesting and relevant. He spoke in such an understandable, concise and precise way. He had me captivated from the beginning till the end. Amazing.

One thing he said stirred up feelings of sentiment within me:

"The Vow of Abstinence is likened to telling your future spouse: "I loved you even before I met you. I love you enough to save the best just for you.""

*tired from setting up and packing up from 8am to 11.40pm

It's Not Where You Start, It's Where You Finish

2008-08-26T18:24:00.001+10:00

It's Not Where You Start (It's Where You Finish)
Music by Cy Coleman
Lyrics by Dorothy Fields

If you start at the top, you're certain to drop.
You've got to watch your timing;
Better begin by climbing up, up, up the ladder.
If you're going to last, you can't make it fast, man,
Nobody starts a winner, give me a slow beginner.
Easy does it my friend, conserve your fine endurance,
Easy does it my friend, for that's your life insurance.

It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
It's not how you go, it's how you land.
A hundred to one shot, they call him a klutz,
Can outrun the fav'rite, all he needs is the guts.
Your final return will not diminish,
And you can be cream of the crop.
It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
And you're gonna finish on top.

Fantastic Goals!

2008-08-21T21:43:00.002+10:00

There were a few International Friendlies played last night. Check out some of the spectacular goals scored! Thierry Henry is UNBELIEVABLE!

Supernumerary

2008-08-19T18:27:00.003+10:00

"Momart is where private collections are put out to pasture, where works that are too big, too precious, too fragile or simply supernumerary to their owners' homes are discreetly tended by expert staff." -- Laura Cumming

Today's Word of the Day:

Supernumerary: exceeding what is necessary or needed; superfluous.

I'd like to draw a line of comparison between Momart and Soccer. While you have extravagant works that are "too big" and "too precious" at Momart, there are big-headed players on the pitch that are "too cocky" and "too skillful". I reckon these players should be put into "Socmart" and be discreetly tended by expert staff... they need constant attention and praise to feed their unquenchable egos.

I wagged another Phyio lecture today to play in MHS 07's first match in the 2nd Sem of the Campus Sports Futsal comp. (i should really stop wagging lectures). We were playing 5 on 6 because Stevie + Turk failed to rock up! (Stevie, you owe me an explanation bro. We slogged our guts out today)

Our opponents were "Team Europe". They were unexpectedly and unbelieveably skillful! haha! They looked like amateurs before the match, but they turned into absolute BEASTS on the pitch! They managed to take advantage of the extra man to grind a 2-1 victory against us :(

Caterpillars

2008-08-18T21:26:00.003+10:00

Let's improve our vocab together. Philter's the word of the day. It refers to a magic potion that causes one to fall in love:

Some things you can feel coming. You don't fall in love because you fall in love; you fall in love because of the need, desperate, to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step; like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus.
-- Umberto Eco

My weekend was sorta ruined cuz my NQA match was canceled due to the heavy rain which resulted in a waterlogged pitch that was deemed "unsafe" to play on -.-""" 3 weeks without soccer!

Had a short futal fix today with the soccer dudes. Campus Sport Futsal season starts again tomorrow! :) I'm looking forward to winning that trophy now that the Mauritians and the Turks aren't in the comp!

Oh, something UTTERLY DISGUSTING happened today. I started on my packed lunch on the train to Box Hill. I had some veg + rice in my mouth and i was happily chewing away until i noticed something peculiar in the veg. I proded the veg around looking intently at these 3 small figures; which turned out to be caterpillars!! LOL! At that moment, i couldn't believe what i saw and i continued to chew on the veg that was in my mouth! -.-"""""""""

YUM! I began to think to myself: "Am i a wuss? They're just caterpillars! After all, they're cooked!"

So yeah, in went the 3 caterpillars through the pink conveyor belt and into the white relentless choppers.. Green juice.. sweet, viscus, with a tinge of sour = yum! :)

Turns out.. i AM a wuss.

Camwhoring

2008-08-13T20:56:00.005+10:00

Jan TRIED to hold a chin-up.. and failed miserably..

3D - Lame!

LOL - LOL LAME!

Yes, i totally forgot to blog about my camwhoring session with Ann, Jan and Sha. On a Sunday not too long ago, the Chin twins popped by our house to annoy us. I remember Jan rudely barging into my room while i was praying!

Anyway, Ann started playing around with my Mac.. and she's like "where's your Photo booth?"

Before i knew it, they started camwhoring with my Mac -.-" We took ~200 photos!! haha! Btw, they offered to pay me $50 plus a free movie ticket for camwhoring with them.

PS. Adri, you still owe me a homemade Chai Latte! :P

Lacie

2008-08-13T20:51:00.002+10:00

My dad just got me a Lacie 500GB external hard drive. Ever since that "camwhoring" session with Jan, Ann and Sha, I've been rather conscious about the amount of available disk space left on my Mac. With the extra 500 gigs, i've got nothing to worry about! And i can start using Time Machine too! :)

It's been terribly cold these past few days - rainy and gloomy weather.. I've still got a little cough and cold lingering from last week that starting to really annoy me.

Gotta get back to studying for my mid sem next Monday!

Chasers - The Secret

2008-08-09T10:23:00.002+10:00

I'm feeling a lil better today. I'm feeling rather cut right now cuz i'll probably have to miss my soccer match later this arvo. The match was canceled last week, i missed futsal with my friends yesterday, and i'll be missing today's match. Apparently, the flu virus is able to pass from the nose and throat region via blood and infect heart muscles. I'll still contemplating playing for 20mins or so.

This is one of the funniest vids i've ever seen! Check it out.

Amazing People

2008-08-08T18:45:00.003+10:00

I decided to go down to Royal Talbot yesterday for my clinical placement despite my illness. I felt terribly sick after, but i'm still glad that i went because i got to meet 3 very special people. Janice and I were scheduled to be down at the Spinal department. For the sake of confidentiality, i won't be using the real names of these 3 very special patients.

The first person I met was Amy. She's ~45 yrs old and was admitted to the hospital after an unfortunate incident that severed her spine completely at L5. She was out in the forest gathering firewood with her brother. There was some miscommunication that took place. I wasn't too sure what happened, but i think her brother was meant to call out to her to make way before he felled a tree.Well, she didn't hear him this time and before she knew it the tree crushed her. She's now paraplegic with no control of her muscles from her waist down.

I say that she's special because she was very optismistic. She wasn't angry with her brother. She didn't hate God. Instead, she was telling Janice and I about her desire to get back to normal life in a wheelchair. She told us that she used to deliver letters for Australia Post AND fight fires for the Regional Fire Brigade! That's a very noble profession because they DON'T GET PAID! After she recovers she'll be doing a desk job for Australia Post and the Regional Fire Brigade. It was a pleasure talking to her about her past experiences working on a farm; milking cows and all.

The 2nd special person is James. He had a rather intimidating appearance - young (~early 30's), ear rings on each ear, blonde hair gelled back, and a rather rugged face that boasted many tough years. He was working in a steel manufacturing factory when a machine malfunctioned and crushed his spine at the C5 level. This means that he's lost control of both his legs and he's got minimal control of his arms.

James turned out to be a very funny and entertaining. Sure, he never once dwelt on his inabilities. He kept cracking funny jokes to lighten the mood. He would try extremely hard to do all the exercises that Theresa (the physio) prescribed. Again, he never expressed anger at the machine that crushed him or his employer. In fact, he's looking forward to going back to work with the same company to take on a teaching/mentoring role.

I think the 3rd person, Tim, is the most optimistic of the lot. He is the ultimate epitome of optimism; i've never seen anyone like him - ever. He's 35yrs old, works as a high-level manager for NAB, and trains as an elite athlete. He used to be an AFL referee till 2000, and he came in the top 20 in last year's Ironman competition. Cool eh? Who'd think that he would end up being a quadriplegic (paralysis in his legs and arms).

His story? A truck knocked him off his bicycle and sent him flying straight into a parked car; resulting in deep lacerations in his right arm and an incomplete fracture at the C3 region. He had a collar brace to protect another fracture at the base of the skull. He never once expressed a HINT of anger towards the truck driver. Instead, he was truly grateful that he was still alive; the fracture at the base of his skull was very close to his brain stem. He would have died almost instantaneously if his brain stem was damaged.

Tim remained optimistic about his situation. I asked him how long he'd been in rehab. He replied, "36 days". He'd been counting. He said that he was still in spinal shock and there was still a high chance that he would regain control of his limbs. (see, the fracture in his spine wasn't complete. The spine takes about 8-9 months before it is able to fully recover. Hence, Tim still had 7 months to regain control of his limbs; 7 months of hope).

Tim said that he was still young and had a lot to live for:

"I've got a wife and a daughter. I've got a good job. You know I used to be left-handed before this accident. And now i've got to use my right hand to do everything! How many people actually get to use one hand for half their life, and then their other hand for the 2nd half?"

Amazing. He had just regained control of his right foot and his right thumb the day before; and he was telling us all about it. THEN, he said something that pierced straight through my intellect right into my heart.

"You really have to care to be a Physio. I don't know many people who would do such a job."

I really wished then that God had unleashed gifts of healing. I really wanted to pray for him, and beg God to heal him. I wish God gave me healing hands. I wish I had a heart of true compassion.

These people have changed the way I look at life:

Am I optimistic? Or do I constantly drag others down pesimism with me?

Why am I complaining about my insufficiencies?

An accident could happen to me at ANY TIME. How would I deal with it?

Sick

2008-08-08T18:06:00.003+10:00

A double rainbow over Crown casino (look carefully). This is the 2nd time that i've seen such a phenomenon this year. If a little vapour from a short drizzle could split the mild rays of a sunset to paint 2 breathtaking rainbows, i wonder how many rainbows God made for Noah after a storm that flooded the entire earth!

I can't paint a rainbow,
To brighten your overcast sky.
But I could stand with you through the rain,
Just to keep you dry.

"Take some panadol and get plenty of rest," was all the doctor could say. I didn't expect her to give me anything except my MC and maybe some antibiotics. I think this is the first time i walked out of a clinic without any antibiotics - fascinating.

Inflammation in my bronchioles. Slight fever. Muscle fatigue. Flu. Cough. All symptoms of a one of the nastiest viruses i've ever caught. I've never been hit so hard before. I was halfway through my PBL on Thursday when i felt a sudden onset of extreme muscle fatigue in my legs and arms. I'm not too fussed with the coughing and sneezing, but the muscle fatigue/ache really KILLS. I felt soo tired that I almost fainted. I grabbed a seat somewhere in the Law library and dozed off for a whole hour.

I've been sleeping SOOO much last night - from 8.30pm to 10.30am this morning. And then from 2pm to 3pm. I'd get up walk around for 30mins or so before fatigue overwhelmed me and forced me back to bed. I feel so weak and pathetic. I wanna do chin-ups. I wanna play soccer!! Shucks! i'm so weak that i can't even study! I'm bed-ridden!

Ahh.. I missed my prac session with the wet specimens today AND my futsal session with my soccer buds! :((((((((( I was really looking forward to it! I even rescheduled my 2nd torture session with Mike for this futsal session -.-"

The Olympics start today! That's something to look forward to at least :)

Torture Chamber

2008-08-08T11:55:00.003+10:00

"Behind every corner,
A secret is sealed.
Beyond every turn,
The adventure revealed."

I went down to Royal Talbot Rehabilitation Hospital last Friday to get some rehab for my broken leg.

What? You broke your leg?!

I went down to Royal Talbot last Friday to participate in a research project (a hurdle requirement for my Physio course). The research project was entitled:

"Twitch Interpolation of the Ankle Plantar-Flexors: The Extent of Voluntary Motor Unit Activation Following Whole Body Vibration"

I assumed that all i had to do was stand on some vibrating plate and maintain my balance, so i didn't bother to read the research synopsis - BIG MISTAKE.

I wasn't allowed to eat 2 hours prior to the test, which was at 2pm. Naturally, my growling tummy made me particularly cranky. I had to walk for 30mins from Alphington station to get to the hospital -.-" I've got no idea why it's located in such a remote part of Kew.

On the way to the hosp, I had to walk on that bridge that you see above. It gets quite scary when you're in the middle. That picture up the top was taken before I crossed the bridge, and this one was taken after i crossed it. Sometimes we slog hard, taking small steps as we go along. We get demoralised cuz we don't think we're getting anywhere. Take some time to look back - history tells a different story.

I had to get the hair around my right knee shaved off to get rid of any resistance to the painful electrical stimuli that were to be sent through my right leg -.-" Basically, the aim of the test is to determine how much force my right calf muscle can generate with different treatments. So, i was taken to this portable caravan (the name "torture chamber" does more justice to its intrinsic nature) where i was strapped to a chair (very much like the ones you see in torture scenes in movies). I couldn't move ANY part of my body besides my right ankle. My right sole was placed on a force plate (a device that measures the force exerted on it in Newtons) and i was told to plantar flex as hard as I could. (Plantar flexion is the action you do when you tip-toe).

See, that doesn't sound too painful. BUT there was a twist that i was COMPLETELY unaware of. Mike (the researcher) attached electrodes to my knees and said that he would be sending electrical stimuli through my right leg to find the nerve that innervates my calf muscles. According to him, the electrical stimuli feel "weird, not painful".

It was WEIRD all right. And it wasn't just painful.. it was EXCRUCIATING! It literally felt like getting electrocuted! I could feel the electrical signal creep all the way from my knee through my calf and into my toes; causing each muscle to wrench in agony as it passed by.

He delivered 10 shocks (at the lowest intensity) to determine the exact location of the nerve. I didn't want to sound like a girl, so i sucked all the pain in.

Mike: "Hmm.. i'm surprised that you didn't wince. Most of them wince at the first shock. How's it feel?"

Isaac: "Weird."

I wish i had winced.

That wasn't the end of all the shocking.

There were 3 components to each test:
1) Plantar flexion without TORTURE (electrical stimuli) 7 repititions
2) Plantar flexion with TORTURE - 10 REPS!!!!
3) No plantar flexion; with TORTURE - 10 REPS!!!!

OMG!! There was a countdown from 10..9..5..4...3..2..1... BANG! before each electrical stimulus was delivered.. 20 shocks for each test. 2 tests to be carried out = 40 shocks + 10 shocks to determine the location of my nerve + ~10 more shocks to make up for the ones that weren't strong enough!

I was half dead after that 2 and a half hour test. Mike's supervisor (Ben) came in at the end of the test.

Ben: Wow! you've got extraordinary results. You're hitting 30 Newtons.

Isaac: What's the average reading?

Ben: About 15 Newtons. Any comments?

Isaac: Yea, it hurts a lil (JUST a LITTLE)

Ben: Hmm.. Mike, what stimuli are you giving him?

Mike: erm.. *looks at machine* 99%

Ben: o.O" I've never tested anyone with that before.

Mike: *looks at me* You seem to have a very high tolerance level. You didn't wince at the start and you didn't scream or anything.

-.-"""""""""""""""""

I would've given him 99% of HELL if i wasn't strapped to that torture chair.

My Faithful God

2008-07-27T19:55:00.003+10:00

My Faithful God

When I was weary and broken
You caught my tears in the palms of your hands
You carried me through the fiercest storm
You are the God who heals my disease

Now I stand surrounded
By the power of your love
I'll raise my hands
To worship my King

Your love is like an ever-raging sea
I can't resist it
It washes over me
You hide my fears and failures
Behind the rugged cross
My soul it sings
What a Faithful God!

I will run and not be weary
I will walk and not be faint
For my God is faithful
He will carry me through

-------

Today was rather unique. I decided not to go for soccer training. I picked up a minor ankle injury a about a month ago. I thought it would get better after a few days, but it didn't. I continued to play soccer/futsal. Consequently, i gradually aggravated it to the extent that it's sending out excruciating pain signals whenever i stretch it. Ahh... i don't want to be limited by an injury; or worse, to be restricted from ever kicking a ball again because of it!!

So, i decided to take a break from soccer today. I had plenty of study to catch up with anyway. HOWEVER, i ended up spending an hour or so "revamping" my room. I rearranged my desk and lamps, organised all the junk on it, rearranged the pictures on my wall, and vacuumed my room :D

That took me a solid hour. Then, i hopped on my guitar and started to worship God. I intended to spend about 30mins with God before starting on my study, but i ended up composing a song for 2-3hrs!! (yes, it's the song that you see above) haha!

Dinner time.

ps. Jesus loves you VERY much.

Happy 19th Nick! =)

2008-07-26T22:42:00.006+10:00

Soccer buds.. Happy 19th Lobes! :)

Uncle Jin (middle man) flew over for a day on business. I realised that i've never had a real conversation with him. I guess I was too young and immature back when i was in Singapore.

That pretty girl in the beautiful blue dress on the left is Em. She's the future CEO of Maccas. (Coke and Ice anyone?)

That's us at Melissa's house (it's more like a Mansion) before the formal.

Nicky in his B'day present! Sup, homie?

ft. tb alv + extreme r@ger Darth Aud!

Nick and Serene. Franny, get outta the picture! :P

We "broke" Franny's jelly heart. Aww.. (that is funny)

Alvin: That's a shattered heart.

-

The average lifespan: 75 years.

No. of days in a year: 365 26,700 days.

2, 306, 880, 000 seconds to live.

-

Nick's surprise party was the first successful one that i've witnessed. There's an interesting sotry behind the surprise.

Serene had been planning this for quite some time, but Nick coincidentally found out a few days ago. It took quite a bit of wit on Serene's part (all credit to her). See, Nick knew that we were going to throw a surprise party for him, but he didn't know WHEN. Subsequently, Serene planned a premature "fake" surprise party while we were playing soccer last night to disguise the real surprise party this arvo.

We were having a fun time playing futsal until the lights went out at 10pm. Amidst the pitch darkness, Serene and a couple of girls brought in HAMBURGER CAKES with sparkling candles on them. Fortunately, the disguise worked, and Nick was genuinely surprised today.

I had a fun time at Nick's place despite feeling rather sick (i'm suffering from over exersion coupled with a lack of rest). Shared many laughs with Nick, Aud, Stan, Sha, Iain, Daniel, Serene, and JP.

Highlight of the day: Nick's lightsabre battle with Aud.

Adri and Aaron stayed over last night after soccer. Jerusha went to bed early cuz she had to wake up for tuition today, so Adri came over to my room and we chatted till 2 in the morn - "sempiternal love", "vituperations", silly songs that i compose, and grand dads is all that i can remember; the rest was just a blur.. I was wayy too tired.

At 2am, YES, 2AM, she was still hungry and was craving for her favourite Mee Goreng.

Adri: ^^ Meee... Gorreeenggg??? Pllleeeeaasseee (^^,)

So Mee Goreng it was. I cooked a good batch this time (Ann, i'm ready for rematch!) We watched August Rush as we ate. I dozed off soon after.. keeping my eyes open was harder than not closing them. (that wasn't meant to make sense)

I woke up at 8ish. I felt sooo tired and i just wanted to lazy around for a bit. Guess WHO comes rushing in.. Adri jumps on my bed and starts kicking me off -.-"" I ate her egg sandwich.

Ahhh.. uni's already taking its toll! I'm gonna spend my Sunday studying about muscle creep, low back injuries, stress-strain curves, fatigue failure...

"If i were a muscle, i would be on the verge of undergoing fatigue failure"

the house of fun

2008-07-26T09:04:00.003+10:00

je ma'pelle adrienne ft. Isaac

yes well im not actually allowed to do this but whatever (:
atm at the Ho twins house and am currently not doing any productive (ie. not planning some mass sabotage on their beloved rooms) cuz i have netball in about 10 mins..

ISAAC JUST ATE MY EGG SANDWICH !
nottee !

btw we would just like to say to you, we dont appreciate ppl who tend to have a "repertoire of vetuperation"

BUT we do believe in sempeternal love (btw if the spelling is all wrong)

anyways au revoir !

Irony

2008-07-24T22:57:00.007+10:00

Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky

I got that poem from Yvonne's blog. She's an amazing writer/journalist. Her blog posts will shrink any ego and make one's vocab like a bottle of water floating in a vast sea.

Life's an irony because we human's are intrinsically corrupt.
Yet we refuse to admit to this simple fact
And make countless attempts to rectify this incorrigible problem
Which inevitably turns around and bites us in the backside.
Irony.

My first lecture back at Uni was on eicosanoids. What are they? See if you can figure them out.

Size: Ronaldinho

2008-07-22T16:00:00.002+10:00

The new look: These shirts are available in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and Ronaldinho

That's a real quote from MailOnline. It's amazing how this sensational footballer can drop from a platform of such fame and honour to a ditch full of criticism and disappointment. I, for one, used to really respect Ronaldinho. The things he did on the pitch were simply breath-taking. Yet all it took was one bad party to ruin his reputation.

It's quite scary when we realise how real this concept is in our own lives.

It takes years of joy and sorrow to build a relationship, but only a moment of folly to shatter it.

I've kindda deviated from my main purpose of posting that picture of Ronaldinho. I just realised that i'm slowly progressing into the "ronaldinho" size, and i'll be taking a few measures to get back to a "medium".

Friends.. Em.. Joce.. Jan.. Ann.. Dani.. Adri

2008-07-21T22:31:00.005+10:00

Don't you just hate the times when you just can't seem to spell words that you use frequently in verbal communication? Each of us deal with this differently. Some of us look up a dictionary, others ask someone else, adri does this:

isaac: so you've got your dad's friend to cheauffeur us?

adrienne:erm well my dad's friends chaffeour to chaeoufoiaug us

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was my first day back in Uni. Semester 2 seems like a very daunting hill to climb - Anatomy, Pharmacology, Biochemistry, Behavioural Science and more Physiology. I know it's gonna be tough; but it's these tough hills we climb that enable us to get higher. And wiping off the horrid sweat off our foreheads at the top, we can look back and fill our hearts with content.

I think these hols have been one of my most fulfilling ones. I've gone through them without any regrets whatsoever. I've done almost everything i wanted to do.. caught up with the friends that i haven't seen in a while.. got closer to God.

Thanks, Lord! :)

Quite a lot happened over the course of last week.. let me try to recall.

Joce stayed over at our place for the whole of last week. I took her down to the city for the first time on Thurs. We went to MC at night to watch The Dark Knight with Kai, Jan, Ann, Chris, and 2 of Kai's high school friends. I must say that i was rather impressed with The Dark Knight; FINALLY a movie worth every penny!

Ann and i showed Joce around the city before the movie. Actually, it was more like i was showing ann and joce around the city! We took joce to the tourist info centre, NGV, walked around Fed Square, TRIED camwhoring for a bit along the Yarra, ACMI (ann claimed that there was a mickey mouse statue and a cool taxi arcade game.. never saw anything remotely blue, red or yellow) Then we went to Nelayan for dinner! I LOOOVE the beef curry there. Just thinking about it is making me hungry!

After the movie, the wannabe-cool twins, joce and i went down to Southbank for a bit. I wanted to show joce the spectacular view from the St.Kilda road bridge. haha! I was particular fascinated with the lighting of the farris wheel. Oh, we bought some chips from Lord of The Fries: Fries - MEDIOCRE. Belgium sauce - VERY MEDIOCRE.

I managed to play Futsal twice last week! Booyah! So yeah, i managed to catch up with my MHS and Physio friends then. Oh, the highlight of the futsal sessions was the time when we decided to play for DRINKS! haha! Everyone started to get soooo into it! These were the teams:

PHYSIOS

Nooren
Dan
Nigel
Nick
Winsen
Isaac

THE HARDCORE GYM JUNKIES

Tom Wang
Jamie
Will
Peng
Hao
Jack

haha! It was an INTENSE match that went on for a whole hour. Everyone was screaming whenever they received the ball near the end of the match; which ended 7-5 in our favour. Booyah! :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to Em's formal at The Sebel at Albert Park on Saturday. That turned out to be a lot more fun than i expected! I didn't know too many people there, but Em's friends were amiable and very easy to talk to. The food was pretty good. The options were Chicken or Lamb. Em (President of the "Say No To Food Wastage" Union) wanted the Lamb so badly that she was ready to fight for it with her steak knife!

haha! I'm not one for dancing, and i'm not much of a dancer... but i had quite some fun going crazy that night. haha! The music wasn't the best.. it was more rockish than R&B; but it was fun just mucking around with Em and her friends.

We headed down to Max Brenners after the formal. Em's heels were killing her feet so I had to walk really slowly with her. ahh.. i could feel her pain x.-" She got pretty cut when we found that Max Brenners was CLOSED when we got there. (The website said that they close at 12am. It was 11.30pm when we got there). So, we walked (slowly again, because of her heels) back to MC to catch the train. haha! Weirdly, the highlight of my night was walking with her after the formal. She's nice to talk to. The night was freezing cold, but it was warm walking with her. I thought it would be awkward since i hadn't spoken to her in a long while, but it felt as though we were picking off where we left off.

Thanks for the night, em :)

I wanna finish off with birthday wishes for 2 very special people:

Jin:
I'm sorry that i couldn't make it for your birthday party on Sat. I hope you didn't get yourself too pissed! Just wanna thank you for being like a bro to me, for all the fun soccer games, for all the practical jokes, and all the laughs. I'll never forget the times i would go to your place after school and then head up to Greensy for indoor soccer! happy 19th my dear friend! :)

Daz:
If you didn't give in to your vivacious desire for the Pope, we would've shouted you dinner/lunch on your b'day! :P Happy 19th, bro! I really enjoy your unique sense of humour. You're such a easy person to talk to. Thanks for listening to my rants, and for always being there :)

The Duck Flies Down Under..

2008-07-14T23:30:00.003+10:00

"Some times things aren't the way they seem to be It's times like these that make life interesting."

Joce's FINALLY arriving in Melbourne tonight! Her plane touches down at 1.30am today. It's 12.22am now, and i've got about 20mins before i leave so i decided to blog about the past few days.

I managed to catch up with quite a few old friends on the weekend. Anthony called me up while i was at Fungus on Friday night and asked if i wanted to catch up with him and Marcus. I hadn't seen Marcus and Anthony in quite a while cuz they go to Monash. We were gonna go fishing, but that plan didn't come about :(

Antho was kind enough to be the driver that night. The 3 of us were pretty shocked cuz all the pubs were closed at 12.20am that night! Malibu, Shine, etc. were all deserted. So we ended up at Airstream, which was also about to close. I got a long island ice tea (4 shots; as recommended by Antho), Marcus got a beer and Antho got himself a lemon lime bitters. We couldn't stay for long.. so we headed down to Maccas for 20 McNuggets and 2 serves of large fries! haha! It was good catching up with them after such a long time.

We encountered a few bogans at Maccas -.-"" One of them played a fool with Marcus. He slid a food tray over and demanded that Marcus slide it back.. so there it was.. a bogan game: food tray sliding! haha! Marcus was afraid that he would become agro so he just obliged to playing the utterly boring game. Ahh.. i detest these bogans.

We crashed at my place at about 2.30am and chatted over popcorn, beer and some wine. haha! It was then that Antho warned me about drinking "spirits, wine and beer" together. I had had all 3 - I don't think i was drunk though. haha! Anyway, thanks a lot guys.. i really enjoyed myself! :)

I was pretty wrecked on Sat.. so i slept till 1.30pm. The most surprising of phone calls woke me up. It was Em. She asked me to her formal this Sat. o.O" Kindda last minute, but besides that, i haven't seen her in ages! Nevertheless, she's a nice girl.

I got another chance to catch up with some other Monash friends that night at Banh's Pho Party!!! haha! It's the 2nd time Banh's cooked Pho for us but i couldn't make it for the first party so i didn't know what to expect. Chenna, Mohawk man, Banh, Antho, Talon and i were the MHS old boys there. I got to meet some of Banh's Monash buds. I can't remember them all, but i do remember Tim, Felita and Judy.

The Mohawk man's got his thumb up and his mohawk down

Antho, A. Huang, me, Banhy, Talon, A. Chen

Yea, i must say that Banh's pho's simply sensational! Traditional viet style! Oh, he made these yummy fried dumplings for us that were delicious! It was heart-warming to finally have a good chat with the Mohawk man after sooo many months of not seeing him. Learnt that he was doing well at uni, can't hold his liquor AT ALL (he got drunk on a SIP of white wine), and is a gambling addict! haha! He brought a full poker set to the party that night.. and yes, that was my first time playing poker. Exhilarating is how i'd describe it.

Well, i'm off to pick the duck up! :)
We weren't gambling by any means! :)

Hancock - Proud Peacock - Night Walk

2008-07-09T23:04:00.002+10:00

I got to catch up with both my lil sisters, Dani and Adri, today. We watched Hancock at Century Walk.

Movie Review:
Decent storyline. Good graphics. So unrealistic that it makes you feel quirky. Brilliant ending (this made my $12.50's worth).

7/10

Oh.. i spent soo much money today. First, sha and i paid for Dani's movie ticket cuz she's such a nice person (adri had to pay for her own ticket!!!). When we sat down.. the annoying girl HAD something to say.

Adri: Hey! We don't have anything to munch on! We've gotta get popcorn! *Looks at me expectantly*

Isaac: *looks away*

THEN,

Dani: Oh yeah.. we don't have popcorn!

Very well.. so i went down with Dani to get some popcorn. The Medium Combo, which consisted of a Coke and a large popcorn, cost me $11!!! LOL! That's such a rip off! But it's okay.. as long as they're happy.

Adri had been telling us a whole heap about this Vietnamese restaurant called Proud Peacock (Yes, you're not alone on that.. it IS a weird name). So, we decided to go check it out. We gained a pretty bad first impression from the dirty windows, but the food turned out to be absolutely DELICIOUS! We had Diced Beef on Red Rice.. YumM!!! That was one of the most scrumptuous meals i've ever had! Adri somehow knows the owner of Proud Peacock. And apparently she's kindda depressed and all because of many private circumstances that i do not wish to divulge. Anyway.. here are some of our convos:

Adri: *walks up to pay the bill and has a chat with the depressed owner*

Dani: *sniggers*

Sha: Why are you laughing?

Dani: I hope she breaks down, cries and decides to shout us a free lunch.

*We were served some extravagant desert: chocolate sticks, mini M&Ms and Jello*

Isaac: Wow! This is pretty cool!

Dani: Yea, i think we only got it because Adri's here.

Isaac: It makes me feel like a proud peacock!

We left the Proud Peacock feeling proud as ever and we ventured into The Glen to pay Audrey a visit at Gloria Jeans. She was working there.

Aud: Hi! What would you like?

Adri: Uhh.. I don't know! Let me decide.. (oblivious to the long queue behind her)

Sha: Adrienne!!

Zac: Could you get me a chilled cookies and cream shake please?

Aud: Yea sure.. anything else?

Zac: yea, a smile

Aud: =D Anything else?

Adri: Err... let me think

Dani: -.-" You're gonna get her fired!

I could see that Aud's boss was getting rather cheesed. So we left her alone, sat down, shared the chilled shake (cost me $5.60!!! whoa!) and chatted for a bit.

Dani left earlier cuz she's a good daughter and wanted to prepare dinner for her parent's 20th anniversary. haha! i've got such a thoughtful lil sis!

We ran into sooo many pple at The Glen today. Amongst the lot, were Jan, Ann and their posse of Glennie friends. We stood beside the escalator and chatted... for a VERY long time -.-"" haha! It was funny to see how Adri flirted with Joshimoto.

Adri: Hi! My name's Adrienne. I think i saw you at Highsong last year!

Josh: Yeah! I remmeber you too! You were wearing the same outfit! (LOL!!!!)

Adri: NO!!! It was wearing something similar, but not the same! (she was obviously lying)

Josh: Could i have your number?

Adri: Yeah sure! *winks*

That's when I came to the conclusion that Adri's easy.

Jan, Ann, Sha and I decided to walk home. We waited till 6.20pm for Aud to knock off and we headed off. It was terribly COLD but I had a pretty good chat with both Jan and Ann. They're real people:

Jan: Ohh!! Look at the possum! So cute!

Ann: How do you know it's not a cat?

Jan: No! Look! It's a possum!

Sha: Can you hear that? I think it's shitting...

Ann: *bright eyed* Oh yeah!

Isaac: Yum...

------------------------------------

Here's a MSN convo i had with Adri yesterday:

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:23:38 PM)
do you really wanna come?

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:23:41 PM)
lol

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:23:45 PM)
even my own brother wouldnt do that

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:23:45 PM)
for the fungus one

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:23:50 PM)
then you can give me that movie ticket

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:23:50 PM)
well unless its all guys 8-)

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:23:51 PM)
:D

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:09 PM)
erm..

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:12 PM)
of course it's all guys

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:19 PM)
no girls wanna play soccer

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:24:21 PM)HAHA.
okays 8-)

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:24:26 PM)
well not going anymore :D

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:26 PM)
unless you wanna play baddie

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:32 PM)
okay.

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:47 PM)
i've gtg now

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:24:51 PM)
cya

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:25:18 PM)
oh!

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:25:21 PM)
i might invite jon lee

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:25:22 PM)
lol!

isaac - adri owes me 1 movie ticket + hot choc says: (2:25:32 PM)
heard he's a good player..

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:25:40 PM)
haha nah tennis :D

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:25:49 PM)
hahaha zomg

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:25:58 PM)
did that least sentence have a double meaning?

je m'appelle adrienne says: (2:25:59 PM)
hahah

Camp Howqua '08!

2008-07-07T07:42:00.004+10:00

How brightly the Moon shines
In the midst of a pitch black night!

Yet it's radiance and glory
Mask its deepest plight.

For it mourns in lonesome sorrow,
On each and every starless night.

-isaac

The night sky at Mount Howqua was littered with MILLIONS of stars. These bright twinkling objects, that fascinate the inner child in every heart, filled EVERY corner of the pitch black sky. I traveled up to camp a day early with the set-up crew of 16 people. I saw them, and the milky way, as I looked out of the window of the van. I thought of how lonely the moon would be without all these vibrant companions. The brighter the moon shines, the more attention it attracts. However, fewer stars are visible, and it's left standing alone in a eternal void of blackness. In the same way, we have to be careful of being too self-centred (of shining too brightly!) and make a genuine effort to love and encourage those wonderful stars around us.

Here are just some excerpts from my experience at Camp Howqua:

Aud was the one that inspired me to write that short poem up the top. She really reminded me of the importance of friends. I was given the opportunity to song lead in a morning worship service and I was soo busy with the camp preparations the week before that I couldn't find time to seek God for the appropriate songs. So i frantically gathered some songs the night before. (with the input of Bryan, Nick, Aud, Alv, Gab, Aviel) Well, I was feeling really during the worship practice the next morning as it was my first time song leading. And as you know, i'm not a very good singer :( Unexpectedly, Audrey managed to see through my bold front and spot my rabid anxiety. She explained the hand-signals that i needed to know and gave me all sorts of non-verbal encouragers. Unexpectedly, that calmed me down and enabled me to just lose myself in worship. Well, we stuffed up the ending of Pick It Up, and i believe i sounded like a croaking frog on steroids, but i know God was glorified. And that's all that matters.

Over the past month or so, and while working in the set-up crew for camp, i realised that Stanley's actually a very sentimental person. I used to think that he was pretty uncaring, unloving, and all the other UN-WORDS that make a person look like a real heartless dufus. (No hard feelings Stan). As i got to know him more, I've found that he has such a love for God and a love for the highschoolers at Fungus. He just expresses this love in very absurd ways.

As he says: "I may not like you, but i do love you."

I mention this because i've had a long overdue dislike for him, and it's really not good to have a bad impression that arises whenever you see that person. It really feels like an unnecessary load has lifted off my back. haha! I was so surprised when he came up to me during camp to ask for a massage cuz of severe pain in his shoulders O.o"" His shoulder muscles felt like the inexplicably tough steaks that we got served at camp. I don't know how he got them that tense! I lay him down beside the fireplace and delivered some deep stroking. haha! Before i know it this big 188cm dude with a heart of stone whines and groans like a little child suffering from constipation.

I thank God for ALL the AWESOME dudes in my dorm: Alv, Hanley, Gab, David, Aviel, Josh, Keean, Tim, and Daz. I was given the opportunity to co-lead the dorm with Keean. I got to know each of them so much better as i led the daily devotions.

I saw a genuine interest to know more about God in each of them, especially Josh and David. David was so eager to do devotions at 2AM on the last night!!! What a hunger he has for God!!!!

Hanley and Tim were newcomers, but they managed to fit in just right. Gab,

Aviel and Alv have a comparably deeper understanding of God. But I sensed that Aviel's deep understanding wasn't matched by a some extent of love for God. His passion has somewhat simmered down along his walk, but i pray that it would be revived.

Gab knows God. He knows he loves God. But I sense a hint of rationalisation within him that might just hinder his walk. I pray that he would fall so very much deeper in love with Christ.

Alv's so much deeper than he seems. He LOVES God SOOOOO MUCH. But just as we all do, we need reassurance.. God's taking him through a walk of faith this year. I pray that he would stand firm for it is only by the testing your faith that perserverance is developed. Only by perserverance will we be made complete; not lacking in anything. (James 1)

Keean. I actually came down with an unknown allergy on the 2nd night of camp when my eyes suddenly become TOTALLY SWOLLEN mid-way through a sermon. It got to the extent that i had to close both my eyes to avoid irritation. As i couldn't see, I gave Keean the opportunity to lead devotions that night. He started off well but struggled to explore the deeper aspects. I see the potential to lead in Keean. I pray that God would teach him how to exert his leadership in the right ways; to grant him words of wisdom in the adequate measure. But Keean, the onus is on you to seek God through his Word and to fall deeper in love in the knowledge of our true and living God.

Daz. I admire his pure heart and his willingness to learn. The fact that he could come for camp is a miracle in itself, and will forever remain in my testimony. I know that God has a GREAT plan for him. I pray that he would seek God continuously and find Him.

I reckon our dorm was the most fun and exciting one of the lot. On the last night, we plotted a rampage on Daniel and Shaun. They managed to win the hair-shaving comp against 101 (you might see Nick, Daryl, Adel and Andrew walking around with bald heads). But that wasn't the result we wanted to see. So, with Daz's AWESOME camcorder on night vision mode, we gave a threatening intro, infiltrated Shaun and Dan's dorm and decked Dan. Our intention was to pin his down prone on the ground and snip off a bit of his hair, and basically to scare him shitless. haha! Well, we managed to pin him down and scare the crap outta him, but Qynn stopped us before we could proceed any further :( haha! I felt a huge sense of guilt after. But i gathered that we didn't have any malicious intentions, and what's a camp without a bit of fun? All the footage is on Daz's camcorder.. i'll upload it soon.

I was so occupied during camp that i struggled to find solitude with God. I had to dorm lead, worship lead, MC for the theme night dinner, prepare for the group skit, etc... And i thought to myself that it would be such a great pity and an irony if i don't get to seek God with all my heart on a camp like this! There was such a deep craving my heart to seek God alone.. At 9am on the 2nd morning, i grabbed my guitar, my bible, a notebook and pen and ventured out into the wilderness in search of God. It was the dew on the green grass that brushed against my toes felt like icy cold darts. It was a bad idea to wear thongs, but i couldn't care less. I found a nice wooden table, sat down and started to worship God. "Jesus, Lover of my soul," i sang as i admired the river, the mountains, the clouds that hovered just above my head, the trees, the stillness and freshness of the air.. and the sounds... the song of birds; the cry of the river. As i sang and worshipped God i felt LOVED.

I asked God about several things that were concerning my heart. Regarding my future, God said that he has placed in the right where he wants me, but i should be READY to GO when he calls. It wasn't "if" he calls, it was "when" he calls. Regarding the affairs of my heart, He warned me about a girl in my life, and not to take things to a the next level. Then i believe the Holy Spirit came upon me, and i started to write a new song (something that i haven't been able to do for a long time). It was 11AM when i got back; i had lost track of time. I had missed morning worship. But i encountered God and NOTHING can ever take that away from me. Remember the allergy that caused my eyes to swell and become like goldfish eyes? I was healed. Praise God!

In the Wilderness

The sparrows they sing in the morning
The sun always keeps on shining
The trees raise their hands to you
O my God, how they long to worship you!

You know my weakness
You know my shame
Yet you love me the same
O my God, how great is your Name!

Lord I stand here
In your presence
And I'm calling out to you.
Love unfailing overwhelms me
As I look upon the cross
How you looked on me with mercy
And you covered all my shame.

4/7/08
* Written by the creek at Mount Howqua. For the God who loves me despite my weaknesses; despite my shame.

The campfire on the last night was an experience that i will NEVER forget. It took us some time before we got our fire ablaze. There was some sort of competition between Nick/Qynn's fire and Gab/my fire. haha! They got theirs raging earlier than ours, but when our reached its prime, everyone started to flock to our side. It was late... 1AM or so, but our hearts were pumped full of excitment as we sang ALL SORTS of songs. haha! From Waltzing Matilda to the Malaysian national anthemn, from Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to Confidence by Teddy Geiger. We had a really fun time singing together. Aviel, Alv, Sha, Chris, Daz and I took turns to play on the guitar. I sang so much that i lost my voice that night!

Yes, one final exerpt. On the last night, Pastor Chris was moved by the Spirit to open the altar to anyone who wanted to confess their sings, ANY sin that was preventing us from really connecting with God. Oh, and believe me when i tell you that the presence of the Holy Spirit was OVERWHELMING that night. Obviously, everyone HAS some sort of secret sin. I didn't think I would respond, but i felt convicted by the Spirit and before i knew it.. i was kneeling.. crying. I cried sooo bitterly that night.. Initially, i cried because i felt that i had let God down.. but with each proceeding sob i felt overwhelmed with love and forgiveness. It was the deepest cry i've ever had.

Then Chris told us to form small groups and pray for each other. In my group of 4 were Kai, Chris, Nick and myself. Boy, how fervently we all prayed that night. Nick, how God is really doing a work in him. I believe that God planted a heart of love and compasssion in him that night. Chris, he's been such a good buddy to me. He's so smart, yet so humble.. I pray that he would fall so much deeper in love with Christ. Kai, the purest of hearts, was someone i didn't know much before camp. But i'm so glad that i got to know such an open and honest person. On the first morning, he came up to me while i was reading the bible and he asked if he could do devotions with me! haha! I was sooooo shocked! But gladly welcomed him. Oh, how i wish God would grow that burning passion within his heart!

Through this camp, i believe that God has taken me to a whole new level in my walk with Him. He's shown me that he wants me to lead and not to dwell solely in my personal spiritual growth. Leading my dorm group, Kai's request to seek God with me, teaching Franny and Hue to play the guitar have somewhat instilled a passion within me to see these people grow in Christ! I pray that this passion would grow sooo much more.

Strength

2008-07-01T00:39:00.003+10:00

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me -
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me, and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but i was afraid
Ambition called to me, but i dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire -
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

- Edgar Lee Masters

I finished reading John Eldredge's Wild At Heart last week and i must say that it has encouraged to look at life in a totally new perspective. He's made me aware that we serve a God of danger and adventure. He has put into the heart of every man a desire for a battle, and it is the deprivation of this that is making most men (including me) bored with life. Eldredge has inspired me to seek God for an undiscovered strength that i may become a true man, an adventure to live for, and a beauty to rescue.

One vital lesson that i've learned from Eldredge's wisdom is that above all a woman looks for in a man: height, looks, charisma, etc. many fail to recognise their need for a man's strength. It would be utter folly to think that "a man's strength" refers to the size of his biceps and the width of his shoulders.

The main reason why many relationships don't last is because the men lack strength, they don't think that they have what it takes and hence, they seek validation in women. They think that they are "strong" because a girl loves them. Ponder that point.

"Most men want the maiden without any sort of cost to themselves. They want all the joys of the beauty without any of the woes of the battle. This is the sinister nature of pornography - enjoying the woman at her expense. Pornography is what happens when a man insists on being energized by a woman; he uses her to get a feeling that he is a man. It is a false strength, as I've said, because it depends on an outside source rather than emanating from deep within his center. And it is the paragon of selfishness. He offers nothing and takes everything."

Isn't it sad how true this is? Eldredge states that every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. She seeks validation to the questions: Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me? It's rather easy to give affirmation to these questions, but very few men have really fought enough battles, relied on God enough to find their true strength. Here's what happens when a man fails to meet a woman's desperate cry to be fought for.

"When a man withholds himself from his woman, he leaves her without the life only he can bring... A man who leaves his wife with the children and the bills to go and find another, easier life has denied them his strength. He has sacrificed them when he should have sacrificed his strength for them. What makes Maximus or William Wallace so heroic is simply this: They are willing to die to set others free."

Eldredge speaks of a battle to fight, a journey that all men have to go through in order to find their true strength which stems from Christ. It is a tough battle which breeds tough men.

"The masculine journey takes a man away from the woman so that he might return to her. He goes to find his strength; he returns to offer it. He tears down the walls of the tower that has geld her with his words and with his actions. He speaks to her heart's deepest question in a thousand ways. Yes, you are lovely. Yes, there is one who will fight for you. But because most men have not yet fought the battle, most women are still in the tower."

Eldredge's wisdom has brought comfort to my heart. I'm in no way the "alpha male". God hasn't made me tall. Neither has he given me any part of David's dashing charm. I'm not the funniest of guys nor the sportiest of them. Yet i am comforted by the fact that true strength does not stem from one's physical strength or gung-ho attitude. Instead, it's derived from one's ability to humble themselves before God, to surrender it all to Him in faith, to fight the battle, and at the very end to remain standing; victorious.

Daz's Miracle

2008-06-30T23:44:00.004+10:00

Bitter gourd juice. I can't think of another reason why anyone would drink it besides the fact that it's highly effective in preventing acne. I, unfortunately, am a victim of this destructive gene and have become subject to the delightful essence of bitter gourd at least once a week.

It doesn't taste half as bad as it sounds! Nevertheless, i would gulp it down as quickly as i could when i first started drinking it. However, i found myself subconsciously taking small sips while talking to lil sis on the phone just then. I was almost enjoying it! haha!

Here's a brilliant suggestion for all bubble tea shops out there: Bitter gourd milk/bubble tea/ snow shakes/ smoothies. YUM!

Here's another miracle to add to the year 2008. Darren (aka Daz) was one of the many high schoolers that weren't allowed to come for the upcoming Fungus camp. Initially, his mum said that the $140 sign up fee was too dear. So, a few of us leaders agreed to chip in to for a subsidy. With the price problem resolved, however, his mum said that she didn't want Daz to be involved with too many Christian activities; the underlying reason from the very beginning. Her decision came as a DEAD END. Her adamant claim eradicated every ray of hope for Daz.

It was about this time last week when i decided to pray and fast. During that time, i managed to finish reading John Eldredge's Wild At Heart. In his last chapter, Elredge writes about taking a step of faith to live out the exciting adventure that God has planned for us.

"Most men spend the enery of their lives trying to eliminate risk, or squeezing it down to a more manageable size."

"Our false self demands a formula before he'll engage; he wants a guarantee of success, and mister, you aren't going to get one. So there comes a time in a man's life when he's got to break away from all that and head off into the unknown with God. This is a vital part of our journey and if we balk here, the journey ends."

God spoke to me while i was reading this in a way that seemed all too familiar. I love it how God speaks to us in ways that suits our individual characters such that we feel so comfortable, so at ease. God put within my heart a burning passion to fight for what I believe in. He said that He'll always be there for me. He'll be my strength. He'll give me the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, a sword, a helment, a shield. He would fight WITH me, but if i wanted to win the battle, i would have to take a step of faith; pick up my sword and start waving it around like a madman.

The message was clear and i knew it was for Daz cuz he was always on my mind throughout this encounter with God. But i didn't know whether it was from God, or was my mind feeding my need for answers with subconscious rationalisations? I prayed for wisdom and discernment just as Soloman did. No answer.

I saw Darren at church the next day and i told him what i thought God had said to me. I told him that if he really wanted to come for camp, he had to fight for it. He had to sit his mum down and tell him exactly why he wanted to go for the camp in a serious and resolute tone. He looked rather startled initially, but i was glad that he was taking me seriously. He didn't know where to start. So I sat him down and asked him a simple question: Why do you want to go for camp?
Doubt started to creep into my heart when he struggled to find a response.

Why am i so concerned for Darren's walk with God? I see in him something many others ought to have: a pure heart.

That was 6 days from camp. And just today (2 days from camp), he sent me this text:

"Hey... just thought i'd tell you something... I'M GOING CAMP!!!!"

Praise the Lord for He is faithful!

Rain..

2008-06-22T19:35:00.004+10:00

You lifted me up,
Every time i fell down, O Lord
You are the light in my darkest night.
You heard my cry,
When I poured out my heart to You
You set my feet upon a rock
And now I stand here in awe of You.
- isaac

I just got back from a utterly demoralizing and fatiguing soccer game. It had rained the entire morning. As a result, the entire pitch was nothing but sticky mud. YES, STICKY MUD that sucks your boots in and makes it twice as hard to run or change directions. I was completely puffed out by the start of the 2nd half, but i was told to "suck it in" by my very encouraging teammates (not sarcastic). The biased ref was utterly put a depressing spin on the match - 2 clear handballs in the penalty area, and a clear reckless challenge on Jimmy by the keeper should've given us 3 penalties.

I had a very depressing game esp. after going a goal down due to Falcon's (that's the ref) lack of integrity. Nevertheless, every soccer game, no matter how horrible, has its fair share of memorable moments of sheer elation. Mine came from a very special person who deserves a very special mention - Jimmy (that dude next to me the pic below). haha! He managed to get his first goal of the season (it's about time, bro!) It wasn't pretty.. but I sure was dead happy for him.

Here's a pic we took on the day Yvonne and Aunty Eileen left for Singapore. It's a pity that Yvonne took the photo, but don't fret.. she features again in a pic with Chloe right at the end.

He's my favourite 2yr old, Chloe! Isn't she adorable?
She loves me. I love her too.
Aww.. she's tired. That's her mum, Aunty Alicia.
Here's Yvonne again. My beautiful (both intrinsic and extrinsic!) cousin who's going to get married in the next 4 years and have many many adorable babies before she's 30! :)

Rain. It always fascinates me. After the church service today, I really didn't feel like talking to anyone. So I walked out into the rain and began to let my mind go wild. I was getting utterly drenched but i couldn't care less.

Imagine being caught in the rain. There's no shelter in sight. No shelter at all. You're trapped. Confined. Reduced to the state where you'll have to shrivel up into a ball to face the blistering cold.

We take "shelter" for granted. We know that if it rains, we'll eventually find somewhere. An umbrella, a tree, a building, whatever. But what if there shelter was no shelter?

- I, for one, would be forced to look up to God for salvation.

I walked back into the lounge after soaking up enough rain. I still didn't feel like talking. So i took a seat, alone, on a comfy sofa beside the window. It was still raining outside. Then i marveled at how this "shelter" that all of us take for granted has such a significant meaning in our struggles in life.

Imagine being caught in the rain. You're cold; blistered by the chilling wind. Drenched from head to toe. You begin to feel frantic and confused. There's a shelter up ahead so you dash right in search of solace. You're in the shelter alright.. BUT... it's still raining. You're still cold; blistered by the chilling wind; drenched from head to toe; frantic. Confused.

- We are all faced with rain and storms in our lives. We often look for a shelter: sleep, sport, computer games, friends, sex, drugs, alcohol, late sleazy nights. We think that these shelters can shield us from the rain. Yet in many of our lives, the icy sharp raindrops are still pounding upon us.

Rain. It fascinates me. It reminds me that the Maker of heaven and earth has an unfathomable mind that mingles with the mediocre thoughts of men. Yet He loves us. Yet He cares.

Exams linger on...

2008-06-18T20:40:00.003+10:00

My self-proclaimed "bbfl", Jan, is the epitome of vanity. Why do i say so?
I found this picture amongst MANY similar ones in her USB.

It sure feels like the exams are over... but they're not! -.-" I've still got a Physio prac exam next Monday and it's really getting on my nerves. I've been practicing AMTs, PMTs, massages, and movement analyses every morning with Luna. It started off fun and interesting, but it's starting to get really draining doing the same stuff over and over again.

I don't see myself as a proper Physio yet. I'm still so jittery and unsure when it comes to explaining techniques and giving clear instructions to the patient. Ahh.. i don't sound professional enough! :(

I've gotta practice.. practice.. practice!!

Wild At Heart.. I've got two chapters left, but that passion i had when i first started reading it has somewhat faded. I'm beginning to realise that this is a really huge weakness of mine. Whenever i set my mind on something, i will do ANYTHING to achieve it instantaneously. But more often than not, when the going gets tough, my passion gets going too! -.-"" That's what Qynn warned me about at the start of the year when i took up a leadership role at Fungus.

No, I don't want to be ruled by my weakness. I won't be.

My Source of Strength

How can i walk this windy road,
When there's no fire within my soul?
Who will keep my boat afloat,
When time finally takes its dreadful toll?

As the autumn leaves fall,
Surely my passions will not run forever.
What will it take,
To revive an exhausted endeavor?

I look to you, O Lord
For you are a constant source of strength.
Breathe in me a new hope,
That I may serve you with all my heart.

Let my passions be,
Like the sun that burns unceasing days.
Guide me as a Father would,
That I may walk in all your ways.

isaac
5/8/08

A Cousin I've Never Known.. An Aunt I've Always Misunderstood

2008-06-17T21:05:00.009+10:00

The last week has been one of my most memorable ones. Besides the exhilaration that exams usually bring, there was something else that made last week special.
Aunty Eileen and jie jie Yvonne came over to Melbourne for a semi-holiday. Yvonne's main reason for coming was to attend her best friend's wedding. They stayed with us for the week, and i got to know them a whole lot more.

Throughout my 13 years in Singapore, I've always thought of Aunty Eileen as a pretty noisy 60 year old granny that cooks good laksa, and likes to nag relentlessly about insignificant things. Well, my view of her changed completely. I actually spoke to her quite a bit when she was here, and she turns out to be one of the most caring, supportive, funny, meek, and cool 60 year old ladies i know! haha! She reckons i'm very "guai" :)
I'm terrible at forming first impressions. I'm always wrong about people! ><"" This is just another lesson to teach me not to judge a book by its cover AT ALL!
jie jie Yvonne. She's always been someone that i've looked up to and respected with all my heart. She led my youth group in Singapore for many years before leaving not too long ago. While she's known me since i was 3 or 4, I've never actually had a proper conversation with her simply because of our age gap. haha! I can only remember teasing her about her age, and about getting married soon.

A woman's age is a secret, and it always will be. But we'll just say that she's just less than twice my age! (sorry yvonne! :P) During her stay here, i felt as though i got to know a completely new cousin that i've never had! It's sooo cool to have someone that has been through her fair share of experiences to talk to.
They actually visited us at a terrible time cuz both sha and i were having exams. But i managed to take a day off to accompany them to Philip Island (managed to clock 4hours of driving!). I really enjoyed myself there, and i'm sure they did too! We had some delicious fish and chips at the beach, took many many photos at Nobbies, and watched the inexplicably adorable penguins!

It was raining intermittently and i thought the gloomy skies would ruin the day. Ironically, the rain was the main factor that made the day special. At Nobbies, we got to see a rainbow form on the horizon from beginning to end! But that's not it! Another rainbow started to form above that one such that there were TWO rainbows! That was truly a magnificent sight to behold!

After that, the light dash of rain ceased. Golden rays of light shone through the patches of gloomy grey clouds and onto the bright blue surface of the sea. Extraordinary. The rays of light were so pure; their source could only be that of angels!

Here's a random clip from the sleepover that we had last Friday night. Jan, Ann and my lil sis came over to annoy me and Sha. They hid my Mac, vandalised my wall with the words: "i know what you did last night!", and stole my Malteasers! haha!

Euro 2008

2008-06-08T23:00:00.002+10:00

Euro 2008 has finally begun! I'll be barracking for Spain this time, but i reckon Portugal will win it. Just wanted to vent for a bit. I find it so frustrating how Football (the real one) is internationally recognised as the The World Game, but it's soooo under-rated in Australia! The Sports section of the daily paper is always about Footy, the news revolves around Footy, everyone's crazy about Footy - a sport that's only played in Australia (for good reason!)

Foxtel charges $40 for the basic package (mainly consists of useless reality-TV channels) and an extra $20 bucks for the Sports package.. WHICH BLOODY DOESN'T INCLUDE THE EURO 2008!!!!

(#@U*)(%U)(%*)(@^)$YU)(H)EW)(GUF()F*F)(F()*)(*#)$@_#$(!@$*(*%@$#)()#%_@#%*_#%(_#()#%()%@#%*()@#%*(#&$(*)#$&(_@#%#%@&*@#%(*@$_(@#%*@#$*_&#$#@$_@#$)(

HOW CAN YOU NOT PROVIDE WHAT IS CURRENTLY THE WORLD'S MOST ANTICIPATED AND MOST WATCHED SPORTING EVENT IN A SPORTS PACKAGE WORTH $20!?!?!??!?!?!?!

INSTEAD, FOXTEL INTRODUCES A NEW CHANNEL "SETANA SPORTS" WITH A ADD-ON $15/MONTH FEE!

WHAT THE?!?!?!??!!?

I shall stop being so angry. Retarded, money-thirsty, blood-sucking, despicable, immoral, UNETHICAL multinational businesses like Foxtel suck the life out of the Beautiful Game.

There should be a channel dedicated exclusively to The World Game!

God's At Work

2008-06-04T10:14:00.002+10:00

I just received a forwarded email from my Aunt Eugenie. It contained a youtube video link and these words:

"It [the video] reminds me of the verses that i was meditating on for the past few weeks:

1 Co 2:4 And my speech and preaching was not with the enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:

1 Co 2:5 That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."

This is breath-taking stuff!

God is real. He sent Jesus to die for our sins and to give us eternal life. Believe it.

Awesome Lap Guitar!

2008-06-01T22:18:00.001+10:00

Melbourne Victory vs Juventus

2008-05-31T20:22:00.005+10:00

Just a quick post. I went out with the soccer dudes last night to watch the Juventus vs. Melbourne Victory game. I was really disappointed because none of the "star players" were playing for Juve. I was looking forward to watching Pavel Nedved, Trezeguet, Sissoko, and Del Piero rip the pitch up, but i had to settle for a some random 2nd-stringers.

Nevertheless, the players put on a rather magnificent display (thanks to the pathetic Melb vic defence!) 4-1 was the final score in favour of Juventus; no surprise really. Highlights of the night were Hernandez's rappler from outside the penalty box which gave Victory a short-lived glimpse of hope, followed by Palladini's clinicaly volley which sealed the victory.

We sat on the first level just behind the goals. WORST SEATS EVER! Don't EVER sit there if you do go for a soccer match. You can't see anything! It's a ONE-DIMENSIONAL view! I could only see the ball bop up and down. lol! We had to look onto the big screens for most of the game. Albeit, it was a fun night out with my good old friends! :)

Who Am I?

2008-05-29T09:08:00.002+10:00

I haven't given up on my commitment to finish reading "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. I'm just about half way through the book, and i must say that he's opened my mind to what it really means to be a man; the true man that God created me to be.

Hypocrisy. Phoniness. These are words that everyone's familiar with. Most people seem to detest it. While others seem to embrace it as though it's become a normal part of our perverted society.

"Just be yourself!"

A encouraging cliche (despite the truth behind it) that almost everyone can lay claim to have muttered at some stage in life. However, it means absolutely NOTHING simply because very few of us (and i dare say none of my friends, including myself) know the answer to the vital question:

"Who are you?"

Eldredge states that a man needs to "know his name". We need to have a deep understanding, the kind of knowledge that comes through experience. He reminds us of the hero in the movie Gladiator, Maximus. He is the commander of the Roman armies, a general loved by his men and by the aging emperor Marcus Aurelius. The emperor's foul son Commodus learns of his father's plan to make Maximus emperor in his place, but before Marcus can pronounce his successor, Commodus strangles his father and sentences Maximus to immediate excution and his wife and son to crucifixion and burning.

Eventually, Maximus becomes a gladiator and is taken to Rome to perform in the Coliseum before the emperor Comodus (who believes that Maximus is long dead). After a remarkable display of courage and a stunning upset, the emperor comes down into the arena to meet the valiant gladiator, whose identity remains hidden behind his helmet.

Commodus: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't believe there's ever been a gladiator that matched you... Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? (Maximus is silent.) You do have a name?

Maximus: My name is Gladiator. (he turns and walks away).

Commodus: How dare you show your back to me?! Slave! You will remove your helmet and tell me your name.

Maximus: (Slowly, very slowly lifts his helmet and turns to face his enemy)
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius;
Commander of the Armies of the North;
General of the Felix Legions;
loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius;
father to a murdered son;
husband to a murdered wife;
and I will have my vengeance, in this life or in the next.

That's a true name, a name that can never be taken from him. Eldredge says: "that deep heart knowledge comes only through a process of initiation. You have to know where you've come from; you have to have faced a series of trials that test you; you have to have taken a journey; and you have to have faced your enemy."

I'm on my quest to find my true name. Till then, I'll be grateful for every windy road, every trial and every enemy God puts in my way.

Eldredge reminds us that the first step to finding your true name is to walk away from our false self.

Andy Gullahorn illustrates what it feels like to step away from your pretentious self in his song "Steel Bars":

"So this is how it feels at the rock bottom of despair
When the house I built comes crashing down
And this is how it feels when I know the man that I say I am
Is not the man that i Am when no one's around"

But the journey continues towards freedom, healing and authenticity:

"This is how it feels to come alive again
And start fighting back to gain control
And this is how it feels to let freedom in
And break the chains that enslave my soul"

Ha, what Eldredge said next made me purse my lips and shake my head in consenting disbelief.

"Because so many of us turned to the woman for our sense of masculinity, we must walk away from her as well... I have counseled many young men to break up with the woman they were dating because they had made her their life. She was the sun of his universe, around which he orbited. A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into."

We tend to take our question, "Who am I?", to women. We feel powerful, strong and loved because we've "got what it takes" to gain the recognition and devotion of a girl. She is able to reach down inside and touch our desperate hunger for validation; and it touches like nothing else we've ever experienced. But femininity can never bestow masculinity.

"He sees a woman across the room, knows immediately that it is "She. He drops the relatinship he has, pursues her, feels wild excitment, passion, beating heart, obsession. After a few month, everything collapses; she becomes an ordinary woman. He is confused and puzzled. Then he sees once more a radiant face across the room, and the old certainty comes again." - Bly in Iron John

Bruce Springsteen's song, Secret Garden, illustrates this in such a beautiful way:

"She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's secret garden she hides.
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away."

It's disappointing that so many men out there are being fooled by this deceitful lie. I'm truly grateful that God's opened my eyes to see that my validation, the answer to my question ultimately lies with him. He's the only one that is able to initiate me. To bring me through trials and experiences that will eventually form me into the man that he created me to be. There's no point in trying to find my masculinity in a girl. It's the man's role to take her on an adventure, not to use her as a stepping stone to reach the prize of masculinity on the top shelf!

Here's to my search for a purpose in life; till i find an adventure to live for, and a battle to fight...

Wild At Heart

2008-05-24T11:08:00.004+10:00

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly... who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat." - Teddy Rosevelt

I decided to make a start on one of my long-overdue holiday aims: to read 10 Christian books. I realised that, recently, i've been wasting a lot of time on trivial (and i dare say rather meaningless) time-consuming stuff like watching TV, facebook and MSN. Every monday, i find that my first conversations with my friends at uni revolve around the fact that we've all sort of wasted our weekends aways and how we wish we could been so much more productive.

I had a very important mid-sem exam to study for on Friday (yesterday). I don't know what came over me, but instead of hitting the books after a long Thursday, i picked up a book on my shelf and started to read. Page followed page. Flip, flip, flip. I couldn't stop reading! The book was so captivating! haha!

Many people view reading as a "boring" and "uncool" pastime for nerds ( i know, i used to think that too! x.x") but i've come to realise how immature that really is. It takes a lot of discipline to actually sit down and do something that might potentially be inspiring and life-changing instead of doing some brainless activity that might bring about temporary elation and satisfaction.

I found "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge and recommended by Stuart Robinson a very insightful read. It explores the true nature of a man's heart; how God initially intended it to be when he created us "in his own image", and how much we have deviated from that benchmark in today's society.

John states that through extensive research, he has found that "they may be misplaced, forgotten, or misdirected", but in the heart of every man lies these 3 basic desires:

A Battle to Fight
An Adventure to Live
A Beauty to Rescue

It is around these three basic principles that our heart is formed around. They drive us to feel the way we feel about life, and the suppression of any one, or combination, of them will lead to dissatisfaction or boredom (isn't that what we all complain about?) Isn't that what we all fear? We're afraid that we'll live boring lives... lives with no meaning or significance. Yes, we are dissatisfied. We are discontent. We want more. That's why i'd recommend this read: "Wild At Heart" will open your eyes to a whole new dimension to life that you'd never even have dreamt about! This dude is RADICAL! He reckons God is WILD! That men are born to fight! And that women are made more perfect than men?! haha!

Oh! Eldredge likens God to William Wallace (The hero from Braveheart). He's inspired me to watch that movie again. He writes: "Without a leader to follow, the Scots begin to lose heart. one by one, then in larger numbers, they start to flee. At that moment Wallace rides in with his band of warriors, blue warpaint on their faces, ready for battle. Ignoring the nobles - who have gone to parley with the English captains to get another deal - Wallace goes straight for the hearts of the fearful Scots.

(I love this part)

'Sons of Scotland... you have come to fight as free men, and free men you are.'

He gives them identity and a reason to fight. He reminds them that a life lived in fear is no life at all, that every last one fo them will die some day.

"And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

he tells them they have what is takes. At the end of his stirring speech, the men are cheering. They are ready. Then Wallace's friend asks,

"Fine speech. Now what do we do?"

"Just be yourselves."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to pick a fight."

Eldredge asks: "What is your image of Jesus as a man?" I've always thought of Jesus as a mild and meek friend of men. An all-round gentle nice guy who's always depicted around little children. He's opened up my mind to see Jesus as a courageous warrior, very much like William Wallace.

Boy! That book really fires up my adrenal glands! Off that note, this week was a pretty decent week. We had our last Med vs Physio soccer game yesterday; which we lost 6-5. It was a very entertaining game, especially with Nooren's display of Ronaldo-like classiness with won him a well-deserved hat-trick.

There was a Fungus leader's meeting on Thursday night and Chris came to speak to us about having a Vision. He really inspired me and got me thinking. When i first started as a youth leader, it thought it'll be cool and fun and that we would all have a great time discussing God's word in depth and sharing our thoughts and emotions. However, it's been a totally different experience. I've been put in charge of a group of 12-14 (very large!! x.x") kids ranging from Years 6-9 (pretty young). I find it hard to explain bible verses to them because they don't show very much interest in God's Word, and it's just too hard to get a deep discussion going!

Well, that's really dampened my passion and my vision for the group. But Chris has somewhat reignited that passion. He was adamant that having a clear VISION is the striking difference between a leader and a LEADER. I don't wanna be a mediocre leader for Christ. While Chris was speaking, ideas started to fill my mind on how to improve the welcoming aspect of Fungus and even for the prayer meeting that i lead before Fungus. I pray that God will give me the strength to persevere and that my passion will not die out! :)

I better get some study done before my soccer game against Hoko. My exams are coming up in 2 weeks and i'm shockingly under-prepared. Ah.. i love these challenges.. They are my Battle to Fight! My Adventures to Live! (It's a pity that there's nothing beautiful about them!)